Last updated on October 1, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I am a 22-year-old male. I read a discourse on this site about a young guy who had trouble with gay porn and sexual fantasies about men’s large penises.
I wish to present my case to you too, hoping I will overcome my desires too. Now, I had many people complimenting my soft voice ever since I was in primary. Many actually remarked that God had created me a girl, but only messed up on the genitalia. I had my uncle, too, commenting the same. At that point in time, I really knew nothing about homosexuality, or even the word gay itself.
Later when I joined high school, guys would talk to me sweetly with beyond normal admiration and even some openly complimented my feminine looks. But back then, we were given a talk against such sexual practices. That was the first time I heard about homosexuality, so I actually got curious after the principal had cautioned us against it. But from the talk, I knew deep within that it was wrong. So I started developing feelings for and fantasizing and lusting secretly after other ‘cute’ boys. But I used to be non-committal about other boys’ approaches. I remember reporting one to the school office. Throughout High School, I didn’t engage in any relationship, but the desire for same-sex sex has grown exponentially ever since, to the extent of triggering my desire to masturbate to gay porn and normal porn.
I had my first relationship with a girl, but it never took shape due to what she termed as ‘lack of attention for her and her feelings.’ I also found it easy to terminate the relationship and of late I enjoy to the fullest even just simply chatting with a boy late at night, but at some point, I come to hate this. I want to be out of it, but it keeps coming. I have even shut down the social accounts that I used to chat with other gays. How do I completely avoid these thoughts and acts?
Answer:
Let’s start out with a simple fact: God doesn’t make mistakes. You were born male. God didn’t mess up. What history has shown is that it is people who make a mess of things. In this case, people have a concept of what constitutes being a man which is far too narrow than how God made people. Yet, people rarely stop to think that they may be wrong. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” (Proverbs 12:15).
The problem is that you let people define who you are. You knew that homosexuality was wrong, but even that has an appeal. “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17). There is an excitement in doing things that you know you should not be doing. Because you have been focusing on homosexuality, it has taken a prominent place in your thoughts. This is what Jesus warned about lust. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man” (Mark 7:21-23).
Since lust reinforces the inappropriate thoughts, the response is to remove the source of lust from your life. You made a good start by cutting off your conversations with people who think homosexuality is acceptable. You also need to stop looking at pornography because it is also wrong. See: A Look at Pornography and Lies Pornography Tells Men.
But just removing sin from your life will leave a vacuum waiting to be filled. “When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first. So shall it also be with this wicked generation” (Matthew 12:43-45). You have to replace unrighteous behavior with righteous ones. “Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts” (Romans 13:13-14).
Again, you made a good start in that you dated a young woman. That it didn’t work out is not unusual. It takes practice to know how to properly treat a woman. You understand males since you are one. Understanding females takes more work. My suspicion is that your years of looking at porn lead you astray. You are treating other people as objects instead of people, which is what she was complaining about. Keep trying and improving how you treat others and you will see results.
Response:
Dear Jeffrey,
Good evening sir. I write this with a great sense of appreciation for what I may term as a ‘timely offer’ to a desperate soul. Your guidance and insight went a long way to reshaping my thoughts with a holy touch. Thanks a lot, I can now look at things differently.
God bless you and your work. Thanks once more, Jeffrey. I am willing to access any additional information that may be of essence to my current situation!
Warmest regards!