Last updated on October 9, 2020
Question:
Hi,
Actually, I don’t really understand what my problem is. I’m 18 years old. When I was 9 years old, my parents got divorced. Since then I just can’t get into any relationship. Perhaps it is trust issues or something else, but the problem right now that I’m facing is my sexual needs. I get really disturbed by thinking or seeing men, but at the same time I don’t want to be with them, nor can I go for any one night stand as this is going to be my first time.
I want a way to stop myself from feeling any such sexual desires. What can I do?
Answer:
The desires of the body, such as hunger, thirst, and sex, are the way God made you. Those desires serve good purposes. Hunger reminds you to eat so your body has fuel in order to run, thirst reminds you to drink so you can function, and sex is there to remind you to get married and after marriage to have children. “God blessed them; and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth’” (Genesis 1:28). None of these desires are wrong, but they can be abused. You can overeat, or drink intoxicating substances, or have sex outside of marriage. Each of these is a sin. You don’t fix a problem of gluttony by getting rid of your hunger. You learn to control your appetite. The same thing is true of sex. I understand that you badly want to have sex, but you need to learn to control your desire and wait until you find a girl to get married to.
I suspect that one reason you are having problems with finding a girlfriend is that in the back of your mind your purpose is to get in bed with her. Girls pick up on these sorts of emotions, and it isn’t appealing to them (for good reasons).
But instead of being patient and learning to become friends with people, you are letting your desire for sex push you toward anyone, including other men, and this is wrong. “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
Another factor that is probably pushing you is that you have gotten involved in pornography. These are images portraying improper sexual situations for the purpose of both shocking you and to get you aroused. The images are of sin, but since you look at them so frequently you have come to accept what they portray as being normal and acceptable. Therefore, the first step in getting control over your sexual desires is to learn not to look at pornography.