Last updated on March 10, 2022
Question:
Hello,
I would like to ask for advice on girls.
There is a very pretty girl that works at the bank that I go to. I’m not sure if she’s single or not but she looks to be around my age. I’m 18 and don’t have much experience when it comes to girls. I would like to give this girl my number. That way if she is interested, she can message me and we can get to know each other, and if she’s not interested then I’ll know because she won’t message.
I went to the bank this morning but unfortunately, she was working with another customer. So I wasn’t able to say anything to her this morning. I am very unfamiliar with talking to girls but I was going to simply ask how she was doing, then ask her if I could give her my number because she is very pretty and I would be interested in getting to know her. Is this appropriate to say to her? I’ve never had a conversation with her. I just usually tell her my banking needs and then to have a good day.
Answer:
Most girls find it endearing when a guy is clearly nervous but wants to talk with her anyway. It tells her that he thinks she is special and important enough to conquer his own fears.
A common mistake guys make is thinking they have to fill all time with conversation. Inevitably the conversation turns to everything about him because that is what he knows best. A girl is looking for a guy who is interested in her as a person. Learn to be a good listener and ask questions about her that take more than a one-word response. In other words, use your conversation time to learn a bit about her.
Right at the moment, your attraction to her is very shallow. All you know is that she looks pretty. That is a plus, but it isn’t the foundation of a relationship. Thus, find out a bit more each time you visit. Is she attending college? (Which can lead to the question of what she is majoring in.) Does she go to church? What does she think about (some current major event in the news)? If you find that there is something in common that you two can talk about, ask if may leave your phone number.
When you are having a conversation with a girl, remember that a girl’s view is strongly colored by her emotions. Girls have a strong tendency to want to share what they are feeling at the moment — not because they need the feelings to change but to have them acknowledged as appropriate. For example, “I’m really scared I might get fired” can lead to a response of “I can see why. Taking a risk is necessary to get promoted, but risks are scary. No matter what happens, you’re still the most important person in my life.” Notice that there were no attempts at telling her how to fix her situation but reassurance was offered.
Response:
Thank you for the advice.