I have more attraction to boys than girls

Last updated on October 9, 2020


Dear Brother,

Grace to you in the Lord. I have a question. I was brought up in a very reserved way in a good Christian family. I have more attraction to boys than girls. If I see a boy I get attracted to him but to girls, I have less attraction (I have to put effort to become aroused). Can I marry a girl with this nature? I am looking for a girl. Will I be able to satisfy her?

Please answer.


You are judging your attraction based on whether you get an erection, but erections are emotional responses to what you think is sexy. When a boy begins to mature and experience sexual feelings, it is very easy to focus those feelings on what is readily seen or available. But God tells us that feelings are unreliable guides. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26). Your feelings can be manipulated, they can change, they can easily be wrong. Instead of using feelings, let’s use logic instead.

Clearly, your male body is designed for sex with a female. Granted that you see the male body as being sexy, but that does not mean you must have sex with guys. Nor does it mean you cannot have sex with your wife.

My guess is that you are testing your attraction by watching pornography. You have a greater response to homosexual pornography because you know it is wrong. That raises your heart rate and your blood pressure which gives you a stronger erection. Over time you concluded that you were attracted to men solely based on a physical reaction of your body.

Pornography gives a warped view of sex. It teaches guys that sex is a selfish act and that it doesn’t matter who you have sex with. You don’t know the personality of the people. It is all about the sights and the action. Pornography’s view of sex is far from reality. 

Sex in a marriage is a giving act. It is satisfying the desires of your wife while she satisfies your desires.

When you stop reinforcing sinful thoughts by looking at pornography, they gradually fade. Your sexuality won’t fade, but without male targets, your desires will start focusing on females. This doesn’t mean you need to run out and have intercourse with the first willing girl. Nor can you fill your mind with heterosexual pornography. You can’t replace one sin with another sin. Rather, your goal ought to be to get to know as many girls as you can — learn their personalities, learn of their character. One day you will find a girl who stands out from everyone else. You’ll fall in love and marry her. I guarantee that come the night of your wedding, you won’t have any problems having sex with the woman you love with all your heart.