Last updated on August 24, 2020
Question:
I want to ask you a question, I am gay so what should I do? I’ve tried my level best to avoid boys, but whenever I see a hot boy I just want to kiss him. Yesterday a boy kissed me on the lips and we had some sexual activity like touching each other, kissing, and licking. Then today we had gay sex. I am only 13. What should I do now?
Answer:
What we ought to do is sit down and have a long talk, heart to heart. My door is open, but I know it can be hard to find your way here.
I’m going to be blunt. I may hurt your feelings, but you need to hear this. However, before I start I want you to know that I would come down just as hard on a thirteen-year-old boy who was having sex with a girl.
What you are doing is sinful, and I think the saddest part is that you know it. I doubt you would be writing to me if you thought otherwise. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Sex outside of marriage is wrong, whether it is with a girl (fornication), a married woman (adultery), or with a boy (homosexual).
Just because you can ejaculate, it doesn’t mean you are ready for the problems that come with unrestrained sex. You didn’t mention how old the other boy was or how “experienced” he was, but you’ve exposed yourself to numerous problems.
There are physical problems with disease. Skin-to-skin contact of the genitals is a quick way to spread a wide variety of diseases. Even if this was your first encounter, it might not have been for the other boy. You’ve exposed yourself to all the possible diseases of the people with whom the other boy has had sex.
There are emotional problems as well. When you have sex with someone, you tie yourself emotionally to that person. Yet your sexual encounter is casual, as homosexual sex is typically. It is going to fall apart. You and he are going to get hurt. But worse, it will scar you emotionally so that it will be harder to make lasting relationships with other people. There is a strong reason why homosexuals have greater incidences of depression and suicide than any other group. The core of these problems is sex without commitment.
There are also spiritual problems. You are willing to do something that you know is wrong simply because you get a few moments of pleasure from it. Such an attitude will impact many other facets of your life. It is hard to put trust in someone who puts pleasure before commitment.
The mistake that you made is assuming that sexual desire was a license to sin. At your age, I’m not surprised that you find boys “hot.” When sexual ability first starts, the brain is wide open to anything that is even remotely sexual. You probably would have found a girl equally as “hot” if she came on to you in the same way. But it doesn’t excuse sin. At this point in your life, you need to learn how to control your emotions, your actions, and your sexual desires. Instead, you did whatever you felt without thought to the consequences.
This is not to say that I think your case is a hopeless one. I doubt I would be writing if I did have hope that you’ll change. But the choice has to be your own. I can’t make it for you. I can point you to the path of life which will bring you great happiness in the future, but I can’t walk it for you.
Question:
OK. Well, I meant that I really feel the need to have sexual contact with my boyfriend. I get this urgent feeling inside me. And we didn’t have that kind of sex, like a penis in the butt. Instead, we had some sexual activity, kissing, licking, and smelling, and stuff like that. Now you can try to help me. 🙁
Answer:
Nothing that I stated changes. I didn’t assume you had anal sex. What you are describing is oral sex. But it is still sex. It still can spread diseases, it still involves you emotionally (notice you call him your boyfriend), it is still sinful.
Yes, you have sexual feelings. You are thirteen and your reproductive system has been activated. But what you don’t understand is that anyone can trigger those feelings at this point because of the way the body is designed: girl, boy, young, old, it doesn’t make a difference to your body. What is sad is that you decided to focus your sexual thoughts on boys — there is nothing that makes it this way, that is simply your choice, and you can choose otherwise just as easily.
But at this time in your life, you need to be learning to control your body, not giving in to every urge. “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified” (I Corinthians 9:27). You are living without self-discipline and that will harm you in the long run.
You ask for help, so I must assume you understand that what you are doing is wrong. Yet, I almost get the impression that you are not really interested in living righteously. You have to make up your mind if you want to have joy in this life and the next, or just moments of physical pleasure and a shortened life with depression and misery. I can only point you in a way that is proven to lead to a better life. You have to decide if you want to walk that path.