Last updated on October 7, 2020
Question:
I am a 15-year-old boy who grew up watching gay porn and sometimes I still do, but lately, over the years I have been attracted only to women’s beauty. You can say I have childhood homosexual feelings, but I have never had sex before. I’m so confused and it’s not like I can ask anyone. It’s like I’m stuck, and I just want to be like everyone else. I have no problem with homosexuals, but I feel like a disappointment, and I don’t know what to do. Everyone keeps telling me being gay is OK, but I don’t want to be homosexual, I want to be heterosexual like I once was. So please, please help me.
Answer:
I use a biblical view and not a secular view in these matters. From what God says, a person is a sinner when he commits that sin. Thus, a homosexual is a person who has sex with another person of the same gender. Therefore, you are not a homosexual because you haven’t had sex with another guy.
Lust is when you strongly desire to sin — so strong that you are willing to break one of God’s laws in order to sin. Here again, you tell me that you are not daydreaming of getting naked with another guy, nor do you have a desire for homosexual sex.
Where the root of the problem seems to be growing is in the pornography that you are watching. The things you choose to watch influence your view of the world. “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’” (I Corinthians 15:33). Pornography tries to convince people that it is acceptable to have spur-of-the-moment sexual encounters and leaves the impression that there is no harm and no consequences. While it is called “making love,” love is not a part of what is being portrayed. People barely know each other before they are stripping off their clothes. Love is being portrayed as sexual arousal and animal instinct for sex. But real love is a choice in how you treat another person (I Corinthians 13:4-8). Yes, a husband and wife love each other and they have sex, but the sex is not the love, nor is the desire to have sex love.
Who you marry and have sex with will be due to your choice and the choice of the person you marry. Your sexual desires will encourage you to make those choices despite your uncertain confidence. But you should never make your decision because of your sexual desires. Sexual desires can get off track. The instincts built into your body don’t care who you have sex with, just so long as you can ejaculate. It is your mind which selects your partner and the time. You should never let your instincts run the show.
Therefore, the first thing you need to do is stop keeping company with pornography of any sort. To learn more about why pornography is wrong, see: Lies Pornography Tells Men and A Look at Pornography. If you need to masturbate, then do so, but do it without pornography or lustful thoughts about other people. It will seem difficult at first and not as much fun, but it is doable. Over time you will discover that homosexuality and fornication will become less a focus and finding a good woman to marry will be more dominant in your thoughts.
Regardless of the current acceptance of homosexuality in the world, it remains a sin (Romans 1:26-27; I Corinthians 6:9-10). No one has to sin. God has given everyone a choice (I Corinthians 10:13) and you have a choice as well.