If I was raped by a boy, does that mean I’m gay?

Last updated on September 28, 2020


If I was raped by a boy, does that mean I’m gay?


No, it does not mean you are a homosexual, for the same reason that a woman who is raped is not guilty of fornication. The boy who raped you committed an act of homosexuality and is guilty of that sin. You were the victim of his crime.

It is a terrible event to be raped. You can’t change the past, but you don’t have to let the evil committed by another person shape your future — that remains in your control.

But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!” (Matthew 18:6-7).

I’ve known a number of boys who could not handle what happened to them. As a result, they fell into sins before they finally realized that they weren’t looking at the situation correctly. They would blame themselves or blame God for what happened when the true blame lays with the evil person who raped them.


Hi Mr Hamilton,

Thank you very much for your reply back to me and encourage me regarding this matter. I am very worried about my life. I like girls, but since I was raped three years ago I found myself watching porn movies with two men having sex. It is like I watch it to see what happen to me and then I wonder if I did act like one. Why did this person rape me?

I was bought up in the church and at age 9 I wanted to get baptized, but my mom told me in two years’ time she would allow me. I then kept getting dreams that a skeleton man ran me down and raped me. I didn’t tell my mom about these dreams. Two weeks later I got raped.

I believe God is real, but I found myself being mad at Him to allow this to happen. I still go to church, but I find myself not much interested in church anymore. My mom prays a lot for me and encourages me that God plans are hard finding out, but He can take me through this if I trust Him.

Please pray for me.


There is no easy way to answer why an evil man does the wickedness in his heart. What he did was wrong. He went against what God said.

Your question of why it happened is a good one but harder to answer. It is a question men have struggled with for thousands of years: How can a righteous God allow horrible crimes to happen?

Why Does Evil Exist?

When atrocious examples of evil come to our attention, people commonly wonder why God allows such evil to happen. Atheists will use the very existence of obvious evil to argue against God. “If God were so good,” they smirk, “why is there evil in the world?” Since evil exists, these people conclude that God must not exist. Have you ever thought about reversing the argument? If evil is so prevalent, why is there righteousness in the world? Since righteousness exists, should we conclude that evil does not exist? Obviously the existence of one extreme does not preclude the existence of the other extreme.

There are some basic concepts we need to address first before I can tackle this question. First, we need to understand what sin is. An essential concept is that God contains no sin. “This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all” (I John 1:5). The illustration of righteousness being like light and sin being like darkness is important. If I want to increase the light in a room, I can add more light sources. But if I want to increase the darkness in a room I can’t add dark sources, I can only remove the light that is already present. Thus, from the Bible’s teaching sin doesn’t co-exist with righteousness. Sin is what you get when righteousness is removed.

Because God is righteous, it means He doesn’t cause sin. “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone” (James 1:13). Sin comes about when people are lured away from God.

God created a world and placed in it people who were made in His image (Genesis 1:27). God wanted to make people different from the animals. Animals follow instincts — they are pre-programmed for certain behaviors. But people are allowed to chose. They can override their instincts. They can choose whether they want to follow God or not.

God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring’” (Acts 17:24-28).

If we come to a fork in a road, we must choose which direction we will take. Because a decision must be made, I can guarantee that everyone approaching the fork will not choose the same path. Even if I put up a sign explaining the desirability of one direction over the other, I can still guarantee that the less desirable path will still be used.

James 1:12-18 explains that sin comes from people making the wrong choice. Sin comes from man and not from God. We all have desires that are necessary for us to live. Satan uses these natural instincts to put us in situations where the satisfaction of our desire would cause us to break a command of God. It is a trap, but it is a snare that we willingly walk into because we want what is offered.

Why is Evil Allowed to Continue?

To put it simply evil continues to exist because people want it. “An astonishing and horrible thing has been committed in the land: The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule by their own power; and My people love to have it so. But what will you do in the end?” (Jeremiah 5:30-31). As I mentioned before, when given a choice, there will always be some who will pick the wrong path.

Even so, you might wonder why God doesn’t remove sinners … right up to the point in time you realize that it would include removing you and me since everyone sins (Romans 3:23). “Therefore listen to me, you men of understanding: Far be it from God to do wickedness, and from the Almighty to commit iniquity. For He repays man according to his work, and makes man to find a reward according to his way. Surely God will never do wickedly, nor will the Almighty pervert justice. Who gave Him charge over the earth? Or who appointed Him over the whole world? If He should set His heart on it, if He should gather to Himself His Spirit and His breath, all flesh would perish together, and man would return to dust” (Job 34:10-15). Actually, if God destroyed every sinner, we wouldn’t have gotten past Adam and Eve before mankind would have ceased to exist. Yet God tolerates the existence of sin because it creates a distinction between those striving to do right (and sometimes failing) and those desiring to be wicked (see Romans 7:13). When we sin, we see the effect of evil on our lives. Hopefully, we learn from our mistakes and acknowledge that God’s way is right. We are forced by our sins and the sins of others to acknowledge that God’s laws are the best path for man to take.

In addition, the continued existence of sin forces man to be humble before our God. The mess that we make of our lives shows us that we need someone greater than ourselves to lift us up out of our own mire. “Moreover I saw under the sun: In the place of judgment, Wickedness was there; And in the place of righteousness, Iniquity was there. I said in my heart, “God shall judge the righteous and the wicked, For there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.” I said in my heart, “Concerning the condition of the sons of men, God tests them, that they may see that they themselves are like animals.”” (Ecclesiastes 3:16-18).

Finally, when we fight against evil, the very battle strengthens us. “Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him” (James 1:12). What shape would I be in if I laid in bed all day? Many of us realize that we need regular exercise to stay fit. We could take a passive attitude and say, “Why bother?” Yet, we know that even when we don’t fully enjoy it, exercise helps us to enjoy life more fully. Now move this idea to the spiritual plane. What kind of shape would I be in if I never exercised my spiritual muscles? Even though the choices are not always enjoyable, I need to learn to make good decisions to be more fit to serve God.

Why Doesn’t Man Do Something About His Own Mess?

Evil continues in this world because many people refuse to recognize sin or that their sins are causing the evil. The Jews fell into this trap, as Paul discussed in Romans 2:17-24. We so often want to excuse our sins. When you don’t pay a bill, are you not stealing? If you leave out some of your income at tax time, are you not lying? How can one person lead others out of sin if they continue to wallow in sins that they feel are not so bad?

This was a major point in Jesus’ sermon on the mount. Murder is awful, but murder is generally proceeded by the sin of anger (Matthew 5:21-22). Adultery is an evil, but it is proceeded by the sin of lust. Do we condemn sin only when it becomes too much to tolerate it? Or, do we become proactive and cut it close to its roots? We cannot make a half-hearted stand against evil and expect to win. This is an all-or-nothing war! Evil cannot be defeated if we allow sin to continue to exist in our lives.

Why Doesn’t God Protect Us From Evil?

If we accept that evil is the result of man’s desire to sin, then what is being asked is, “Why doesn’t God interfere when men mess up their lives?” The truth is that God has.

Perhaps a story told by Dr. A. A. Hodges will help clarify the issue a bit: One day, a man rushed into the presence of Dr. Witherspoon, an eighteenth-century clergyman. “Dr. Witherspoon,” he shouted, “help me to thank God for His wonderful providence! My horse ran away, my buggy was dashed to pieces on the rocks, and behold! I am unharmed.” The good doctor smiled benevolently at the inconsistent, imperfect character of the man’s religion. “Why,” he answered, “I know a Providence a thousand times better than that. I have driven down that rocky road to Princeton hundreds of times, and my horse never ran away and my buggy was never dashed to pieces.” Here is a truth few Christians grasp. An accident occurs and we have a seemingly miraculous deliverance. Immediately, we see God’s hand in it and praise Him and tell others of His marvelous act of providence. It never occurs to us to thank Him for the times beyond number when we were spared even the accident.

It is commonly believed that nothing will go wrong for a child of God. That was what Job’s friends thought. That is why they spent so much effort trying to convince Job that he must have sinned and incurred God’s anger. But they were wrong (Job 42:7).

God doesn’t promise to protect the righteous from all harm. Paul obviously suffered for the cause of Christ. “Are they ministers of Christ? –I speak as a fool–I am more: in labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently, in deaths often. From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness …” (II Corinthians 11:23-27). Perhaps we should ask where was Paul’s protection. Even Jesus, the Son of God, suffered a cruel death at the hand of evil men. Why was he not protected?

What God has promised is “that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). First, notice that this promise is limited to “those who are the called according to His purpose.” In other words, God makes this promise to faithful Christians. True Christians will not let difficulties stand in their way of serving God. “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:31-37). God is able to take every event in our lives and make it work for our ultimate good.

Take, as an example, the life of Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his own brothers. His master’s wife falsely accused him of attempted rape, for which he was thrown into prison. When an opportunity arose for Joseph’s case to be brought before Pharaoh, the man whom Joseph helped forgot about him for two years. Joseph understood why he suffered. He told his brothers, “you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive” (Genesis 50:20).

When people face hardships, it will cause some to turn bitter, it will cause the faith of some to grow cold, it will cause some to blame their God; but for those who remain true, it helps them to keep focused on the real goal — heaven! We want to be free from the corruption that sin has brought to this world. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal” (II Corinthians 4:16-18). This is why James could boldly tell us, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4). Paul noted this as well, “we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4).

Tragedies refine us. They shape us. “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:6-7).

God can take the worse that man can dish out and turn it into a benefit for His purpose and His people, if we will but hold on, trusting that God knows what He is doing. “So we may boldly say: ‘The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’” (Hebrews 13:6).

Good can come out of even deep tragedies. But that ultimate good will only benefit those who have given their hearts into the keeping of the Almighty. “For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day” (II Timothy 1:12).

Why Didn’t God Stop the Rapist?

Ultimately I can’t answer the question because I don’t know the mind of God. What I do know is that what that boy did violates everything God stands for and teaches. The boy did it from his own free choice — a horrible choice. He will answer to God for his sins and the results will not be pleasant.

This boy did something horrible to you. But you didn’t cause his corruption. He corrupted himself. You aren’t dirty. You aren’t damaged goods. You are a young man who was the victim of a perverted boy’s lust.

It’s time to put things back where they belong. I’m not saying you need to seek revenge. To do so would make you stoop to the level of this boy’s evil. Hate what he did to you, but rise above the evil and triumph over it. I suspect that if you manage to not let this stop you, that God can use your strength for something wonderfully good for others.

Regarding you watching pornography

I understand your curiosity, but watching other people having homosexual sex is not good for you. These movies are designed to generate lust in people. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Watching such things will alter your view of why sex outside of marriage is wrong and why sex between two men is wrong.

Do I understand correctly that your mother knows what happened to you? If so, that is a good thing.