Last updated on October 7, 2020
Question:
This girl and I, in about a week, will be seeing each other. I’ve helped her grow closer to the Lord, and she is going to church and such, but when she comes down, I know already it will be hard not to fornicate because of my lust issues. Among other things that now seem to not affect me as much, lust is the one thing that Satan knows is my weak point. She wants to go fishing, and read the Bible as do I, and that’s fine; however, it’s when we are finally settled down for the day that things will get heated. And it hasn’t even happened yet. It’s a week from now.
My question is: if we fornicated, could we marry? Is it smart to do that? I don’t lust over everyone I see if I have what I need in front of me, but I know in I Corinthians, Paul said that if you can’t abide by it, then let them marry for it is better to marry then to burn with lust. I don’t want to have anything happen and her not give me a reason to stop talking to her. In fact, if anything I’d like to marry her. I’m just trying to prepare for when she comes down to see me. I feel as if I said, “Well, we fornicated and I must get back to God and repent, and the same for you, but we can’t talk anymore,” that would be out of line. But if I said, “We fornicated and I feel guilty, can we pray together and ask Him for forgiveness and seriously turn away from sin,” it would be better than leaving her in the dust making her feel like it is her fault when in reality it is our faults for giving in to temptation.
Please help. Thanks.
Answer:
There is a huge problem here. You are planning not only to sin, but you are also doing advance planning for covering up your sin. “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God” (Hebrews 10:26-28).
The proper response to temptation is to make plans that the sin will not occur at all. You should be planning not to be alone with her. You should have it fixed in your mind that you want to treat her with respect, so you will not be sexually touching her. “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1).
You missed the point of what Paul was saying: “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Corinthians 7:8-9). Paul is talking about avoiding sin, not indulging in it. He is saying that if you seriously think you can’t resist sex and you have plans to marry, then the better solution is to go ahead and get married instead of waiting because it is better to get married, even when the circumstances will make it difficult than to commit fornication. You turned this backward and are claiming that if you have sex with her, then you can ask her to marry you afterward and that will somehow make everything all right.
Notice also that you talk about having led her closer to Christ, but then you proceed to plan to seduce her into sin. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). What you are declaring is that you don’t love her because you don’t have her best interest in mind. Love, “does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil” (I Corinthians 13:5). This is all about your lust for sex and that is not a good foundation for a marriage.
Stop playing the role of a hypocrite and be a Christian man.