Last updated on October 1, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I am extremely concerned about my development and may need help.
At about my 12th birthday, I had the first sign of puberty, which was “the drop.” My voice began to gradually get lower over time after that. I am turning 15 soon. Four months after my 13th birthday, I was 4’10” and half an inch. Then a year and two months later, I became 5’2″ and half an inch this past August. I haven’t grown since then.
Ever since I started kindergarten when I was 3’11” I only grew one inch per year until that past year and two months when I grew 4 inches between the summer of 7th grade to the first month of high school. I am really concerned that I haven’t grown for at least 4 to 5 months. I’m barely even in stage 3.
We can’t afford to go to an endocrinologist nor would my parents ever want to. I weigh about 96 pounds, and weighed 90 pounds at the time I hit 5’2″ and half an inch.
I’ve been growing through deep emotional pain and low self-esteem for my entire life because I’m so behind and even stunted in my growth. My penis has not grown since birth and that is really concerning, and I’m turning 15 in one month. I have a small amount of pubic hair that took nearly two years to grow just a little bit. According to the calculator, I’m nearing the end of stage 2. I started stage 2 three years ago! I should be halfway down with stage 3 or at least just started! I never even grew at all in any way except for gaining 6 pounds since I started high school. Even the guys are my size are getting bigger than me now.
I also hate how everybody always tells me, “Oh, you look so young!,” “You’re so cute and innocent!” People always comment on how I look 10 years old, how I’m so soft-spoken, and no one takes me seriously or trusts me. My friends will also talk about how I’m the one without the homecoming date and such. I almost don’t want to turn 15 anymore, but I don’t want to be younger either. This issue has made me so self-conscious, stole my self-confidence, is preventing me from wanting to drive when I’m 15 or 16, I’ve had to spend years avoiding mirrors or windows or device screens that are turned off since they show my shameful reflection, no girls have ever expressed interest in me in my age group. The only people interested in me have been perverts and kidnappers. I’ve been afraid to go out on the street or anywhere alone because I feel like an easy, vulnerable target. This is making my birthday like just another day to get over.
Since I’ve been dealing with a self-esteem issue, for a while now, and every time I try to accept myself, there’s something in me that just gets so unbelievably irritated, and I couldn’t succeed. That other self has also prevented me from accomplishment and personal goals. I feel trapped and jailed. I sometimes wonder if it is because of that other self that is stunting all of my growth.
So basically my main question is why I haven’t grown in height or in any way in months, and also why my penis hasn’t grown since birth. It just isn’t fair!! I also heard of isochronic tones and binaural beats that stimulate the brain in certain ways. One isochronic tone, I heard 1444 Hz stimulates the secretion of testosterone. I don’t know if that’s true or not. So if there’s any way you could help me or not, I’m deadly sick and tired of going through this, and it’s putting me through emotional distress, and it’s becoming like some sort of torture affecting me in everything I do!
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it was long, so I truly appreciate it your advice.
Answer:
Have you talked to your general doctor about your concerns? If he thinks there is a problem, he will likely convince your parents to see a specialist if it is needed.
From your description, it does sound like you are at the start of stage 3. Why you haven’t grown in the last half year is a bit of a puzzle. Pauses during growth sometimes happens. The penis doesn’t grow much in stage 2, so that is to be expected. You are putting on some weight, which indicates to me that your body might be gearing up for the next phase of growth.
People tend to make judgments based on comparisons. Since your peers are maturing sooner than you, it makes you look relatively young. I know it is hard being left behind, but eventually, they will stop and you will catch up. However, worrying about it won’t change you. “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?” (Matthew 6:27). Nor should you allow it to stop you from maturing as an adult in other ways. Your looks don’t affect how you drive. By the way, stress and worry can stunt growth, so it to your advantage to learn to let this go.
Yes, it is harder to find an interesting girl. Most girls your age are looking for older men, which means they are also bypassing many of your friends too. They might look a bit older, but they don’t act very mature. But, you aren’t ready to settle down for several years, so it won’t be earth-shattering if serious interest in a girl waits a bit. Perhaps you’ll be able to avoid some of the mistakes your friends are going to make in their relationships.
In regards to speeding up growth, there are numerous forms of snake oil being peddled. People often get fooled. For instance, let’s say you start listening to a certain sound. Two months later you start to grow fast. Was it because of the sound or because you were going to grow then anyway? There is no way to tell without a carefully devised study.
It is easy to blame all your problems on your slow development, but that is not a fair assessment. You can reach goals and accomplish things regardless of how you look. Your development delay is not giving you stress, you are stressing over the fact it is not going as fast as you want. It may seem to be a small difference, but it is significant.