I’m worried that I’m not man enough

Last updated on August 29, 2020


Hi there.

Well, I’m 20 years old and still a virgin, though I’m worried deep inside whether I’m man enough or not. I’m trying by all means to find a girl who can satisfy my needs, but I can’t find one, so I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I’m stupid and useless. When I’m with friends I lie saying that I’m not a virgin so they will not laugh at me, but I have no benefit out of that.

Can you please help? Please?


I wonder why you believe you must first have sex before you accept that you are a man. Animals run around trying to mate with whoever is available. “But these, like unreasoning animals, born as creatures of instinct to be captured and killed, reviling where they have no knowledge, will in the destruction of those creatures also be destroyed, suffering wrong as the wages of doing wrong. They count it a pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are stains and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, as they carouse with you, having eyes full of adultery that never cease from sin, enticing unstable souls, having a heart trained in greed, accursed children; forsaking the right way, they have gone astray, having followed the way of Balaam, the son of Beor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness” (II Peter 2:12-15). Aren’t you better than an animal?

People choose their spouse first because of their companionship. “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14). Any guy of sufficient age can have sex. Being able to take off your clothes and have an erection doesn’t make you special. What you need is a woman with whom you can share the rest of your life. “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”” (Genesis 2:18).

I can see why the girls are avoiding you at the moment. All you are interested in is their bodies. Guys like you get girls pregnant, and no good woman wants to be with children without a stable home and husband. So stop approaching relationships as if it is all about you, because it isn’t. Women are looking for men who can take care of them, provide a good home, be stable, and be their best friend. If you want a wife, become the man of her dreams — which means you need to learn what a woman dreams of.

If your friends ask, but proud to follow God’s way. Tell them you follow Christ and that you are saving yourself for your wife so that she knows that you are hers and hers alone.