Last updated on September 9, 2020
Question:
Hi,
I’m 10 years old. I love going to church, and I’m into that sort of thing, but I think I’m gay as once my mum said I was like a gay character on TV. And every so often I think about it, and I agree with my mum. I sometimes get teased for it, but I say that I’m not, but deep down I know I am. So my question is: is it wrong to be gay, and is it OK to love the church and love God but still be gay?
Answer
First, I have a question for you: Is it all right for a person to be a murderer, but still love to go to church and love God?
I hope you think that is crazy. For a person to claim to love God and His church while doing things contrary to what God said. Jesus said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). John also said something similar. “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome” (I John 5:3). There should be consistency between what a person claims and what he does.
I’m sorry to say this, but your mother said something that was very wrong, though I would guess that she just thought she was teasing you. People today want to change what is right and wrong. They have their favorite sins and they don’t want other people to tell them they are wrong. Thus, you hear people saying all the time, “Don’t judge me!” Society has accepted that and they make it a “sin” to state that something is wrong. But God said that to change His standards is wrong. “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20).
Another trick that is being used to convince people that sin is acceptable is to say that if you feel something, then you must be that thing. But let’s use the murderer again as an example. So, if you get really mad at people, then you must be a murderer! Now there is a sense in which this might be true. If a person gets angry with people — mad enough to kill them — and feels no remorse over his attitude, then it can lead to murder. “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him” (I John 3:15). John is saying that the attitude and the action are both equally sinful, even though hatred and murder are two different things, hatred is the attitude that leads to murder. But we realize that there are lots of people who have struggled with hatred who never committed murder.
Homosexuality, “gay” in today’s slang, is an action. It is when a man has sex with another man or a woman has sex with another woman. In the Old Testament, it was considered a sin that carried a death penalty. “If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them” (Leviticus 20:13). In the New Testament, it is also described as a sin. “For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due” (Romans 1:26-27). “Use” in this passage is a polite way of translating a Greek word for having sex.
Since the action of homosexuality is declared to be sinful, it would be expected that those continuing to practice such a sin cannot really love God because they are ignoring His teachings. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
But you are not talking about actually having sex with another guy. You are talking about feeling the beginnings of sexual desire. You’ve reached puberty and your body is waking up to the idea of sex. But because it is brand new, you don’t know which direction those desires are pulling you. Actually, at this stage, your body doesn’t care. Anything and everything makes you get erections. But your mother planted a seed of doubt in your mind and the longer you dwell on it, the more you accept it. The least thing that seems to support the idea is noticed, while the things that contradict it are ignored. Thus, you notice that you get erect around a boy, but you ignore the fact that you also get erect just changing clothes and no one else is around or when you get nervous. In other words, you are reinforcing the idea because you think it is true.
The fact that you have sexual desires that are at the moment triggered at times by guys doesn’t make you a homosexual, just as hatred doesn’t instantly make you a murderer. If you keep feeding that desire and accepting it, then it will eventually lead to homosexuality. But even an act of homosexual sex doesn’t make you a homosexual. To be a homosexual is to continually have sex with guys and think that it is justified. Such is a sin, just as a person who commits adultery is sinning. To be a Christian means you turn away from sin — all sins — to return to doing what it right.
Your body is not built to have sex with guys. It is designed to have sex with girls. Yet, regardless of that fact, it is wrong to have sex with a girl before you get married (that is what “fornication” means) and it is wrong to have sex with a guy. Who you have sex with is your decision. When you have sex is your decision. Some of the choices before you are right and a lot of them are wrong, but the point is that no one makes you pick one or the other. Nor are you born making one choice or the other.
What you are is a boy who is very quickly becoming a man. The question is will you chose to serve God or your sexual desires? God tells us the right way to put our desires to use in a way that will make our lives better. So the question is if you love God enough to trust Him with your life.
Question:
But what you don’t really understand is this is not that type of gay. It’s more about me acting, how do I put this, like a girl. So is it wrong to act like a girl and be a boy?
Answer:
What you are describing is not homosexuality or being gay. It is being girlish.
And what type of actions are considered girlish? Sometimes you will run into people that have strong opinions that anything different from the way they behave is unacceptable. For example, I know some really manly guys (sports jocks) who enjoy doing things like crocheting or knitting. They like creating things with their hands and there is nothing wrong with that. Yet, because it isn’t popular among men it can be labeled as being girlish.
Now, there are some homosexuals who purposely act girlish to announce to others their sexual preferences. Homosexuality doesn’t require girlish behavior and there are many homosexuals who don’t act in a girlish manner. But the situation does lead to a problem, you don’t want people assuming you want to have sex with other boys because of your behavior. Just as a boy is not to wear things pertaining to girls (Deuteronomy 22:5), you should not put on behaviors that pertain to the other gender either.