Is sexual touching bad when you are dating?

Last updated on January 24, 2021


Well, it’s about time I asked a question, so I’ll make it as simple as possible so it doesn’t confuse you.

  1. Is touching any part of genitalia over clothes fornication?
  2. Is it a sin to touch a woman’s butt or breast under clothing a sin?
  3. Some girls just like guys for their looks, they don’t really care about how nice or funny they are. Is this considered a sin? Some guys are the same way too.
  4. Is making out a sin?

Please give a straight yes or no, and then explain it, I would really appreciate it

The reason I ask these is that I have not been good at dating, and having a girl like you to where you want to do these things is something I long yearned for. I just can’t get any girls because of the way I am. I’ve been with very few, and it is horrible knowing how girls are today where I live. For them, if you don’t have a six-pack, you might as well just forget about dating.

Thanks for answering my questions, it’s a huge help

May God bless you.


I will be answering your questions, but I’m afraid you’ll just have to put up with the way I answer things. I have long ago found out that plain “yes” and “no” answers don’t often work. People have a tendency to read the answer and then stop without reading the explanation. I would rather you understand why the answer exists as it does so that you will make better choices in the future.

Would you mind if I ask you a question: What is your goal when you ask a girl out? From your questions, it seems to me that your aim is to have your penis in a girl while the two of you are naked in bed. But at the same time, you know that this is wrong, so you want to know how far you can go without it being a sin.

Because this is what is in the back of your mind, you look for girls who you think might be more willing to do sexual things with you. The nicer girls quickly pick up on your intent and don’t want to go out with you. The not so nice girls are looking for thrills, which they think guys with muscles can give them, and so they are not as interested in you.

Being a young male, your sex drive is strong — almost crazy strong — but you can’t allow it to turn you into an animal. God only allows sex in marriage for good reasons. “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). He is not telling you not to have sex, He is saying you must get married first. Then you can have sex as much as you want with your wife.

Fornication is when two people engage in sex when they are not married. But it is not the only sexual sin mentioned in the Bible. “So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness” (Ephesians 4:17-19). Sensuality is the idea of chasing after things that make you physically feel good, especially things that are sexually stimulating. “Making out” refers to heavy kissing, heavy petting, or other sexual acts that don’t include putting your penis in a girl. Thus, “making out” with a woman you are not married to is the sin of sensuality. It is wrong because it fans the flames of wanting to commit fornication.

For this reason, all sexual touching is forbidden when you are not married. “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1). It doesn’t matter whether it is under clothing or over clothing, sexual touching is arousing the desire to go further. It isn’t fornication, but it is still sinful.

When you are only focused on a person’s looks, then you are delving into the sin of lust. You are not looking for a long-term relationship in marriage. You don’t really care about the other person as a companion. Your only thought is the physical aspects, which never last. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).

Marriage is first about companionship. Date girls who you like to be around. Treat them with respect and not objects to be used to make you sexually happy. When you find the right girl, get married, and enjoy life with her — including sex.


I would like to thank you for being real about what you think I am doing, I understand the constructive criticism and I accept it.

Well, my ideal thing is not to have sex, but I do want to make sure I can give my girlfriend all I can and not sin. I want her to enjoy having me around, like to kiss me or maybe cuddle which isn’t a sin, I think, though I am not 100% sure. However, I am curious about these questions.

As I said, I don’t want sex or engage in sexual activity. The thing is, I would respectfully understand your thinking, and of course, I have fornicated and have regretted it ever since. I didn’t even know it existed. The truth is, Jeffrey, I feel as if I’m not good enough for a girlfriend and, therefore, have stayed single. I always will until I believe it is the right time to date. Until a year ago I had misunderstood everything about Christianity. I only scratched the surface of the religion, but now I understand everything better. Ever since that day, I’ve been much happier with myself.

I don’t ask girls out unless I can do it in person because I believe if you want a real intimate relationship, you ask in person and be real. If they reject you, well, that’s not the end. When I did fornicate, I told the girl I regretted it, and even though it was unfinished and I stopped it. I could finally see what I had done. I prayed, but to be forgiven is to forgive not only yourself but to ask God for the forgiveness of the sins you committed. When I sin, it scares me, Jeffrey. I have cheated death multiple times, with occasional crashes. I could die real young if I’m not careful. I have sinned so much, and I do my best to ask forgiveness every day.

If you’ve made it this far in the email. I thank you for reading it. You’re awesome Jeffrey.


I am happy to hear that you want to live by God’s rules. I’m sorry I came across so bluntly, but I wanted you to see that despite your intentions, you were heading the wrong way.

Kissing and sitting close to each other is not wrong, but you can let the emotions of the moment take control. You have always exert self-discipline. It isn’t the physical things that most girls look for in a boy. They are interested in the relationship; that is, who you are, how you behave, how you treat her and other people, etc.

It is not a matter of being “good enough” to have a girlfriend. There are plenty of bad men who have girlfriends. What you should be focused on is finding that rare gem of a girl who likes you and you like her. The girl you feel comfortable being around and whom you respect for who she is. It takes a while to find such a girl, but it is worth the effort.

What you’ve done in the past led to the wrong results. You’ll have to do things differently to get better results. Making sure you meet the person you are interested in personally is the proper way. Focusing on knowing the person and not on sexual behaviors will keep you out of trouble and help you find a better woman to marry.



You’re right about all of this, so maybe now that I have a general idea of what is going on and what is/isnt okay to do, let me ask you this, what can I do in the meantime? I feel as if I’m being weighed down by this sin, “fornication” is what I don’t usually call it but yes, I have asked forgiveness, forgave myself, and forgave the person who did it with me, but it still weighs down on me, because it’s a deadly sin and it’s got a lot of after effects to it.

That being said I may have more questions, most likely unrelated to this topic but I love it that you take the time of day to help me, you are amazing and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your assistance with this topic.


Everyone has committed sins which they are embarrassed to admit was done. Even someone as great as the Apostle Paul had a bad past. “I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life” (I Timothy 1:12-16).

How did Paul handle his past? By living a faithful life so as to show others that you can change. And he learned to leave his past behind. “Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14). Paul focused on where he was going and not on where he had been. You have to do the same.

Assuming you’ve met God requirements for being a Christian (see How to Become a Christian) then you’ve done what a Christian is supposed to do to ask for and receive forgiveness from God. Trust that God keeps His promises and move on with your life by being a better person than you were.