My fianceé spent the night and things happened

Last updated on October 8, 2020


Good day!

I am a young man. I have been engaged. My fianceé and I been together for over a year and a half. We are in the process of getting married, even though financially we are struggling because we are not working and we getting no help from relatives.

Our relationship has been Christian-based. Since I gave my life to God, I have been seeking His face day and night, living by His word, statutes, and commandments. To my fiance, this was killing her inside, as she would want to come and sleep over, but I have been refusing.

It happened one day that she came to my house since she is staying a few blocks away. It was late, so I asked her what time is she going to go home. She kept quiet, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so let her be. She took off her clothes and remained with her panties. We slept. During the night we started touching and one thing led to another. We did something that I am regretting, even though I knelt down, cried to God, and asked Him to forgive us.

Please, what I want to know is will this act affect our callings and the prophetic anointing?


I’m assuming that you put your penis in her and, thus, committed fornication.

There are several problems that I noted. First, while you were able to resist, your girlfriend has been actively tempting you to commit fornication for a while. Even though you refused, she continued to press and was unhappy that you told her “no.” Jesus said, “You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they?  So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  So then, you will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16-20). Regardless of her words, her actions say that she is not behaving as a Christian. If you are looking to marry a Christian woman, she is not one.

Second,  you compromised. When she wasn’t leaving, you did not escort her back home. When she took off her clothes, you joined her in removing your clothes and joined her in bed. Surely you didn’t think nothing would happen? If you did, then you were lying to yourself.

Third, you violated the command, “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1). Once you are sexually aroused, you don’t think clearly. Add to this that it was in the middle of the night and, of course, things got out of hand.

Fourth, you also set yourself up for failure by ignoring Paul’s warning, “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Corinthian 7:9). There was no reason why you could not have gotten a cheap civil marriage earlier so that this would not become an issue.

Your calling was to be Christians. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality;  that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,  not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;  and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.  For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification” (I Thessalonians 4:3-7).

Paul said that prophecy ceased. “Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part;  but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away” (I Corinthians 13:8-10). Now that the Bible is complete, further revelation is not needed. God has said everything He wants to say.

What needs to be done is some serious consideration. First, the sin needs to be taken care of. You must talk with God and admit all your sins (I John 1:9). Then you need to make changes so that the sin is not repeated. I don’t know if that means you get married, agree that she never spends the night at your place again, or break up.

You also need to consider that you might have gotten her pregnant.



Thank you very much for your quick response. Now I realize my irresponsibilities, and I humble myself before God for I have sinned right before His eyes. I will make sure a take full responsibility for what God has trusted me with.

About the options you gave, I think since we were in a process of paying bride prices that I will choose to marry her unless you advise otherwise.

Best regards.


I won’t make the decision for you. It must be your own, but I do want you to move forward knowing what your choices are.

Even though you are arranging your marriage and even though you’ve already had sex with her, it doesn’t mean you can ignore God’s rules. No more tempting each other to sin. Wait until after marriage before going to bed with each other again. As Paul said, if you can’t wait, then get married (I Corinthians 7:9).



I thank the Most High God for your life. May He continue to increase you since you are a blessing to others. I have heard you and the word of God, and I will abide by it. No more tempting each other.