Last updated on June 6, 2026
Question:
Good morning, Mr. Jeffrey.
I hope you are doing well and that God continues to bless and support your contributions to the youth.
I am not writing on my own behalf, but rather on behalf of a friend from church. This young man is 18 years old and possesses a very strong moral compass—in fact, I would go so far as to say he is somewhat legalistic. He is quite rigid in his outlook and strives to be honest in all things; one could describe him as deeply devout and pious. However—and herein lies the issue—this young man suffers from OCD.
Precisely because of his legalistic mindset and rigid nature, he tends to worry excessively and overthink everything. Furthermore, he grew up in a rather conservative environment—Christian, certainly, but conservative nonetheless—which resulted in him receiving a very rigid form of sex education.
This young man suffers from a form of sexually themed OCD. He is single and, naturally, not sexually active; consequently, his seminal vesicles remain full most of the time—meaning his hormonal levels are extremely high. I have shown him this website, as well as the additional links you provided in the “Resources” section; however, the problem is that he views masturbation as a sin, and—to the best of my knowledge—he does not experience frequent wet dreams.
I know that he has developed a deep-seated fear of being a pedophile or an abuser. I also know that he struggles with homosexual thoughts, as well as with doubts and self-accusations regarding his overall moral integrity. He constantly berates himself and torments himself with thoughts that he has somehow failed, or that he harbored an inappropriate thought, or that he looked at something he shouldn’t have. It is an incredibly difficult ordeal for him.
I have tried my best to counsel and assist him, but I feel that this situation has grown beyond my capacity to handle. I cannot recommend masturbation to him as a means of reducing his hormonal burden, as he would consider it a sin; furthermore, I believe that if he were to experience any thoughts related to his OCD while doing so, it would only make matters worse for him.
He is a bright and good-hearted young man, but I have seen him decline in almost every aspect of his life. His relationship with God has been severely affected, and his relationship with himself is in a terrible state; he practically loathes his own body and sexuality.
Given the difficulty of this situation, I decided to reach out to you for help; I am no longer entirely sure what else to do. I asked the young man for permission to write to you, and—though disheartened—he agreed. I hope to share some of his own messages with you soon, or perhaps have him write to you directly—though that will only happen if he feels up to it. Until then, I am writing on his behalf.
He is my friend, and it pains me to see him in this state. Please, help us.
Thank you for your attention.
Answer:
Thank you for trusting me with this burden. There is much to discuss.
OCD can be viewed as a compulsion to remove all uncertainty from a person’s life. The person has no tolerance for any risks. The sufferer strives for greater perfection than God (or anyone else) expects because he wants absolute certainty that he will be saved. Thus, the person adds stringent rules because he believes rules might make him more acceptable to God. But man-made rules don’t produce righteousness (Colossians 2:20-23).
In other words, the OCD sufferer strives for perfection because, in his mind, anything less carries too much risk. He doesn’t realize that he sets himself up for failure because no one is perfect. It leads to ruin, as Solomon warned (Ecclesiastes 7:16).
Faith isn’t a feeling that you are doing right. “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17). Faith is that you trust what God said to be true. Thus, faith cannot exist until you have something to believe in.
“Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked” (I John 2:3-6).
If you don’t know if something is or is not commanded by God, then it can’t be of faith. Generally, OCD leads a person to make decisions based on his uncertainty and not on his confidence that this is what God commands. The result is that he makes choices based on his doubts rather than on faith.
The first thing your friend needs to understand is that his body, including his sexual feelings, is made by God. “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well” (Psalms 139:14). The body’s desires can be abused and used for evil; however, the desires exist for good and necessary purposes. Males produce semen constantly, but their seminal vesicles can only hold so much before the excess needs to be ejaculated. As the seminal vesicles get full, the man’s desire for sex gets stronger. Once he ejaculates, that desire decreases until the seminal vesicles refill. This is the way God designed the male body.
I don’t know how your friend is handling his need to ejaculate. You indicate that he is having some wet dreams. I suspect that part of his self-condemnation is over the content of his dreams. Many guys who avoid ejaculating tend to lose control when their need to ejaculate is extremely strong. Something gives, and then they blame themselves for their lack of self-control. I’m not certain what is happening with your friend, but I suspect that this has been happening to him in some form.
Related:
Question:
Good afternoon. Thank you for the quick reply.
Your response is very helpful, though I think I may not have expressed some ideas clearly. This friend actually doesn’t have many wet dreams—or so he tells me—and the ones he does have aren’t accompanied by any erotic content; that is what he has told me.
His OCD crisis began due to a bodily reaction (an erection and pleasure) in response to a show of affection toward a child, which left him worried and is what evolved into his current OCD. Basically, he attached too much importance to that physical reaction and began paying excessive attention to how his body was responding, which partly triggered self-rejection. Now, he avoids contact with children because he doesn’t want that experience to happen again. He lives in a state of distress over this, accusing and judging himself at the slightest hint of a sexual reaction.
On top of this, he also struggles with feelings of attraction toward people of the same sex; since he doesn’t ejaculate frequently, you could say he is sexually tormented. That is his situation.
What kind of practical exercises or actions can he undertake to start overcoming his fear of harming a child or being homosexual? I ask because he is an intelligent person, but he has lost a lot of his willpower—or rather, his self-esteem is extremely low. He has been like this for nearly two years, I believe.
Sorry for the long message. It’s just that he needs help.
Thank you.
Answer:
When we are developing into adults, there is a learning period. The body has new systems, but it doesn’t know how to put those systems to appropriate use. Thus, when erections and sexual feelings first develop, it is common to have spontaneous erections — erections that occur at random. The person’s response to these events causes the body to learn “not now!” and it refines when erections occur. Unfortunately, this learning period can take a few years.
An erection does not mean you need to ejaculate. It may not even mean you are interested in sex. Guys have had erections while giving reports in front of a class.
I suspect your friend did not do anything inappropriate with any child. He likely didn’t even have any inappropriate thoughts about a child. He made the mistaken assumption that an erection meant he wanted to have sex. That fear led him to avoid children. The way out of that fear is to slowly be around children when there are others around and realize that nothing happens.
Because he is trying to repress appropriate sexual feelings, those feelings are finding other ways to “leak out.” This is what is leading him to fear that he is homosexual. What you need to point out is that homosexuality is a behavior. He has not done sexual acts with other men, so he is not a homosexual. He might find the male body attractive, but that is not unusual. As he gets older, that will shift toward the female body.
So that he might understand, ask him if a guy getting erect when thinking about a girl means the guy has committed fornication. The answer should be “no.” Inappropriate thoughts about a girl would be lust, but I’m just talking about casual thoughts at the moment.
It helps to remember that we are judged by what we do. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad” (I Corinthians 5:10). When his fears arise, bring him back to reality by asking what he has actually done wrong. God doesn’t judge us by what we might do, and he should not judge himself that way either.
Question:
Thank you very much; I find this information and these practical tips very useful. I showed your message to my friend, and I think it will be helpful to him. What you described is exactly what happened with the boy: he didn’t actually do anything to him, but he got so frightened that he ended up in his current state.
My friend asked me to inquire: “How can I control the urge to ejaculate without resorting to masturbation?” Intellectually, he understands that masturbation is not inherently sinful, but I don’t think he truly believes it in his heart. Now, if masturbation were to be the chosen option, how should he go about it? Also, could you offer any further practical advice to help him better understand that he doesn’t have to act on every physical reaction?
Thank you.
Answer:
No one is required to masturbate. If your friend is convinced it is wrong, then he should not be pushed into it. While the following verse is discussing eating meat, like pork, the general rule can be applied to other things: “The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin” (Romans 14:22-23). You should not do things that you are not convinced are right.
Since he needs to ejaculate, his first approach is not to prevent himself from having wet dreams. If he wakes up in the night in the middle of masturbating in his sleep, he should allow himself to finish what he started. For some guys, sleeping in the nude when they need to ejaculate will lead to a wet dream. The difficulty is that at first, he will find it difficult to fall asleep because he will feel every movement. This does wear off after a few nights. Once he does have an ejaculation, he should go back to his normal sleepwear until the next time he needs to ejaculate.
When a guy is sexually aroused, erections come more frequently and more easily. However, having an erection does not necessarily mean you are strongly aroused. It might take several months of paying attention to realize when you truly need to ejaculate.
Response:
Thank you very much. I hope to write more soon.