Last updated on June 3, 2024
Question:
What should I do about my parents if they won’t admit that they sinned by having sex outside of marriage? I consistently tell them that what they did was wrong, but they just admit it reluctantly. My Dad also told me that he thinks that God said that because he and my Mom were in love, He would be okay with it. I would always say to them, “The Law is the Law.” He said, “And He won’t change it.”
My dad also told me that God told him that it would be okay for me and the love of my life to sexually touch one another outside of marriage so long as we were committed to one another and were getting married. I have also fought with them about this by telling them that God does not tell them this stuff and that this Law supposedly did not apply to their case.
I am greatly worried about my parents and I don’t wish for them to burn in Hell for it.
Answer:
We have several problems to address.
It is always difficult for a child to correct his parents. His parents are used to telling the child what is right and wrong through his developing years. It is difficult for a parent to grasp that their child might have learned things that they did not know or accept. At its root, it is someone in lower authority attempting to correct someone in higher authority. The relationship requires a gentle approach. “By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone” (Proverbs 25:15). “Forbearance” refers to restraining your anger. It is a form of patience. When someone in authority annoys you or makes you angry because of his beliefs, you can still manage to persuade him if you control your emotions and approach the problem with patience. Soft answers (mild and without provocative emotions) are strong and effective (Proverbs 15:1; Ecclesiastes 10:4). In other words, you are not likely to convince your father overnight. And you won’t convince him by forcefully telling him how wrong he is. It might work on some but not with someone who sees himself as being in a superior position.
“But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will” (II Timothy 2:23-26).
Your dad allowed the world to influence his behavior. No one wants to think of himself as wrong, but he knows the Bible condemns his acts of fornication. To resolve the conflict, he decided that there must be an exception to God’s rule. “Love” justifies sin in his mind. (See Using Love as an Excuse.) Sadly, he has gone a step further and is convinced that God told him he is right. In other words, he is lying to himself by telling himself that his position is backed by the highest authority. You are correct that God doesn’t contradict Himself. He would not tell someone that it is alright to sin. Even worse, your dad is now trying to convince you to sin in a similar manner. In his mind, if you do it then you can’t make him feel bad for what he has done.
Each person is responsible for his own actions (Ezekiel 18:20). I’m glad you realize that your dad is advocating sin. “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1). Sexual touching is wrong and it will eventually lead to additional sins, such as fornication. God is a far higher authority than your dad, so you must follow God. Since you know your dad is off-track in regard to sexual sins, you need to always compare what he advises against the Scriptures.
You can’t force your parents to be saved. All you can do is show them the way where they can choose salvation. Since your dad still recognizes that God is the supreme authority, get into the habit of replying to his false statements with quotes from the Bible. Even better, just flip your Bible to the verse that shows him to be wrong and ask him to read it for himself. In this way, he isn’t arguing with you, he is arguing with God. Avoid giving your opinion about moral values. Always cite what God said (I Peter 4:11). When you offer opinions, your dad thinks that his opinions are equal to yours or better. When you show him what God wrote then evidence is far stronger than even his claim that God told him differently.
I can’t guarantee that this will change your father’s mind, but you’ll have a greater chance of doing so than by arguing with him.
Response:
God bless you, Jeffrey.