Last updated on October 31, 2025
Question:
Good day, sir.
I had a friend (16 years old) who entrusted me with a secret; he has a “girlfriend” (16 as well). They decided to keep things neutral until the age of 20, then start dating. Just in the last few days, I realized how narcissistic and manipulative he is. Now I don’t know what to do. I decided to break our friendship because he’s a stumbling block. But should I also warn her Dad (who is aware of their relationship) as well? It doesn’t feel right spreading the information behind his back either. And my parents, well, I promised to keep their relationship a secret.
Answer:
There is only one person who needs to know what you have realized about your former friend, and that is his girlfriend. If you suspect that they are having sex, then there is a reason to notify her dad. However, my understanding from your note is that it hasn’t gotten that bad.
I find that most people use psychological terms without fully understanding their meaning. Therefore, let’s talk about the root moral problems. Your former friend is selfishly ambitious (James 3:16). He doesn’t consider the best interests of other people (Philippians 2:3-4); instead, he is focused on himself. Pride is his core fault. He views other people as less important and as tools to be used to achieve his ends. A description like this tells others exactly what the problem is.
If you want to send his girlfriend a note to explain why you decided to end your friendship with him, then she will be able to connect the dots and think about how he is treating her. In other words, don’t tell her what to do or what she should see. Keep it simple and state that, because of what you observed, this was the decision you reached.
If your parents ask why you are not hanging around your former friend anymore, you can also explain to them your observations and your conclusion. They will likely be impressed that you are developing the ability to see beyond the surface level in relationships.