Last updated on August 25, 2020
Question:
Hi,
I am wondering if you can please help me with a situation where I have this interest in a young Christian woman.
Lately, my feelings have escalated for this young woman that attends with the local church I worship with. I have kind of known her for a while, but only recently just hung out with her. While hanging out with her, I learned a lot about her that made me really like her. I have found striking similarities between each other in terms of values and our families. I really do like what I know about her so far. Also when we hung out we talked for over three hours and she didn’t stop us as it was getting late. I wonder if that says anything about her interest?
Now I have only hung out with her once and I want to hang out with her more and get to know her more. I also want to find out if she likes me and if we can pursue a relationship that can lead to marriage. I really desire this young woman and I have never met a woman like her before that I have liked because she seems to have quite a few important similarities. I like her both physically and for who she is.
I have some concerns though. I feel desperate or something because I really want to pursue something with her, but we haven’t really hung out much. I am concerned that if I try to ask her out soon that it might push her away or make her think I’m clingy or too desperate for her.
I am wondering what steps I should take to find out more about her and how I can ask her to be my girlfriend to court and see if we can marry? What should I look for? How do I know if she’s mutually interested? I appreciate all your help and the help you have given me in the past.
Answer
That is a good start to finding a woman who is worth your time. Yes, she is interested in you. Few people will talk long or late unless there is interest.
What is bothering you is a fear of rejection. All guys go through it. Here is someone you really like and now you are afraid she isn’t interested in you.
The answer to your dilemma is simple, but few guys think of it. When you see her next, say something like “I really enjoyed talking with you that other evening. I’ve never met a more interesting woman. May I have your permission to spend more time with you?” In this way you’ve told her that you appreciate her, you’ve given her a sincere compliment, and you are acknowledging that she is your equal. I can almost guarantee that she will not have had a man treat her like that in the past.
Whenever you think you might be getting too clingy, turn it around and ask her permission to spend time. In this way, you are telling her that you are willing to let her pace this relationship. Right now it is too soon to think about marriage other than as a general goal. You need to find out more about her and find out what she thinks about you. That is going to take some time. Be willing to invest that time. “Love is patient, …” (I Corinthians 13:4).