Last updated on September 8, 2020
Question:
I write this question with so much courage because I really need an explanation, so please help me
I am a guy and 19 years old. Why do I get sexually excited (and also a boner) when I see a man’s upper body (shaped, six-pack, and such)? Or seeing a man in boxers? But I also a little excited when I see a girl’s boobs or sexy girls in underwear or swimsuit, but it needs more time for me to get a boner when it comes to seeing girls? I also get a boner when I wear boxers or vests (something that makes me feel sexy), watch it in the mirror, and also I masturbated to it. I don’t know. I just feel sexually excited. Am I weird? I also masturbated seeing myself naked in the mirror.
When I was a kid, my mom used to force me to eat to make me more fat and chubby because she thought that I needed a lot of nutrients. The problem is I got a man boobs from the fat, of course, so when I see guys’ upper body shapes, I really envy them, and I want to have a body just like them. I’m not fat and chubby now, but I’m not really shaped well. I also masturbate naked seeing myself in the mirror.
I dated two girls before, but it only lasted for 1-2 months. I think I loved her and really wanted to kiss, hug, and have sex with her, but I was so shy. I think a lot of kissing them, but I never did until we broke up.
In my mind, I never think myself having sex with a guy (that’s really gross for me), but I sometimes think and imagine having a blow job from my ex-girlfriends, and I really want to. The problem is I don’t know my sexual orientation. Am I bisexual?
Last but not least, I’m really afraid when I and my friends go to the swimming pool. When it comes to taking a shower (the shower room is for 1-2 people) and my friend wants to take a shower with me, I refuse. I’d be really embarrassed if I got a boner, and they will think me gay and will leave me.
Answer:
The human brain is a complex organ that controls most of the body. It works primarily by association. Thus, when it comes to sexual arousal, things that you connect with sex triggers a reaction in your body that can be visually seen in erections and dripping of pre-cum from your penis. The problem is that there are no boundaries on the associations your brain makes to sexual things. That is why you hear of people who get turned on by the sight of shoes or by certain smells. Nor is your brain limited to one or a few things as being perceived as being sexy. These things don’t define who you want to have sex with.
That is one of the irritating things about the homosexual movement today. They twist a perfectly normal, natural phenomena and claim that because a guy gets an erection therefore he wants to have sex with whatever triggered the erection. If you consider what happened to you when you first started getting erections, you know that is ridiculous. At first anything and everything triggered erections. There were times it felt as if you were erect more hours of the day than you weren’t. But it was also during this time that your brain was making connections to associate things with sexual arousal. Some were reasonable and others just plain ridiculous.
Another example is the one that you mentioned. You get turned on seeing yourself naked, but that is because you know that you are going to masturbate soon because you are naked. Boxers turn you on because your penis has more freedom of movement. Thus, seeing other guys in boxers is associated with that same feeling. You see a manly body as being sexy because you desire to have one and think that having such a body would make it easier for you to have sex.
A homosexual is someone who has sex with a person of the same gender. A bisexual is someone who will have sex with anyone regardless of gender. Arousal is not the same as having sex. It isn’t even the same as lust. Lust is where you strongly desire so much that you spend time imagining doing it in your head. “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Therefore, you imagining receiving oral sex from girls you have known is lust. From God’s viewpoint lusting for something sinful is little different from actually committing the sin. That is because lust precedes the action. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man” (Mark 7:21-23). You spending time imagining getting oral sex from a girl means you will be very willing for a girl to pull your pants down, yet this is a form of fornication. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
I’m glad you’ve made it this far and are still a virgin, but I wish you would commit yourself to remaining one until you are married since it will give you a much better foundation for life later on. See:
If you are still big in your chest because of fat, you can lose this by losing weight.
Question:
I am so glad and thankful for you replying to my message this fast. It is such a relief. For years I have been suffering trying to find my answers. Thank you for your helping and thank God I haven’t fallen so far. Yes, I will have my sex after marriage after reading this, but I also have more questions:
How do I stop my erection when I have my friends around, like when I’m taking a shower or in the swimming pool? How do I stop my masturbation addict? How do I train myself not to be turned on or get an erection when I wear boxers or see myself naked? How do I make it as normal as it can be?
Answer:
Having erections is a part of being male. As you get into your mid to late twenties, the erections will slow down, but they will never completely go away unless you are ill in some manner. Erections are caused by a set of small muscles clamping down on the veins leaving the penis. The backpressure is what creates the erections. When you get nervous, you tense up and during your adolescent days your body tenses more muscles than it needs to — including the ones that trigger an erection. Most of us are nervous about being naked in front of other people, so guess what usually happens? Then when you realize that your penis is getting hard, you become more nervous, which just furthers your erection.
One trick to limit erections is to force yourself to focus on something that you find completely not sexy, such as doing math problems in your head. But the best way is to simply accept the fact that erections mean you are a male. When they come at awkward times, make light of the situation, and understand that your friends face the same problems. For example, if your friends tease you about having an erection, just say, “Gorgeous, isn’t it? It’s going to make my wife really happy one day.” Teasing only works if it bothers the person being teased. If it is accepted as a compliment, the teaser doesn’t know how to handle it.
If you like to wear boxers, then wear them. Yes, at first you’ll have erections, but your body can’t keep an erection going, so soon the erections will stop, and wearing boxers will feel perfectly normal.
The point of all this is that for a male erections are perfectly normal. It is the lack of having erections that are not normal.
Regarding masturbation, see: How do I break this habit of masturbating?