Last updated on October 8, 2020
I have a dilemma.
A while back I was masturbating every now and then. But I had doubts as to whether I should do it or not. I would not look at porn while doing it and my thoughts were not on anything sexual. The act was purely physical. However, at school there was a girl who felt my friend’s hand (he is also a great Christian), she said that it was smooth and that he must masturbate a lot. This was kind of a weird thing for her to say considering we go to a Christian school. My friend responded truthfully and said that he doesn’t do that. At that moment, I felt God answer my question about masturbation. I remember His exact words. He said, “I want you to be able to say that.” Because at the time I was still masturbating, and I knew that if that girl were to ask me, I would not be able to say I didn’t, so I stopped for a long time (almost a year).
But recently the desires have spawned again. I have learned from your website that masturbation is not a sin in and of itself. The thing that now keeps me from doing it is the remembrance of what God said to me. Therefore, the matter is one of obedience to what I believe God has told me personally not to do. But, my question is: Why would God tell me not to do something that (according to nature and the way a man’s body functions) is a normal thing to do that gets more and more difficult to keep from doing the longer I go without it? I need a release at some point! I rarely ever have wet dreams. What has been happening to me is I get into a cycle of giving in to the temptation, feeling horrible for disobeying God again, going about a week without masturbating convinced that what I did was wrong and that I shouldn’t do it again, and finally end up giving in again at some point (be it a week later or a month later). So I get a release, but it is at the cost of me believing that I have committed a habitual sin again my Lord. And it all just keeps happening. But when the next time comes around, I start doubting that God even told me not to masturbate, or that He has revoked it because it was temporary. But then I start thinking that those are just lies that are trying to get me to believe that it is okay for me to masturbate!
I have OCD which causes thoughts to occur in my head. Sometimes those thoughts are voices (not audible, it is just a thought voice, i.e. thinking of words and hearing them in your head) that masquerade as God’s voice. In a way, I am wondering if the original thing that God told me was really God at all. In a way, that doubt of God’s voice (it sounded like something He would say and I was convinced that it was Him) seems like it is trying to trick me every time I want to masturbate. But then again, a valid concern is why would God even tell me to do something that is almost impossible at my age to accomplish, at least for an extended period of time. I could stop it temporarily, but not all the way until marriage. (I am currently 16.)
Something that always pops into my head when I am about to masturbate is “And he that doubteth is damned if he eat because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.” (Romans 14:23). So whether God told me it was wrong or not, I still doubt whether it is wrong or not therefore if I do it, it is wrong.
Sorry for the long message. But, to sum it all up, my questions are this.
- Do you think by what I have told you that that was indeed the voice of God telling me not to masturbate?
- If so, why would God tell me to do something that feels impossible to completely stop?
- How do I suppress the physical need to ejaculate (or at least not do it by masturbating) regularly and keep myself from the temptation?
Temptations are hard when it is a physical natural physical action that God has told me to avoid. I don’t think ejaculating is the thing God wants me to avoid, it is masturbation that I think He meant for me not to do. But how do I get more wet dreams and, thus, not have to masturbate to meet that need?
I appreciate that you took the time to ask. I hope you don’t take offense that I need to disagree with parts of your note.
Before I get into the answer, let me be clear: no one has to masturbate if he doesn’t want to. However, no male can avoid ejaculating. Some guys are unable to have wet dreams; thus, their options are then limited to masturbation. You are able to have wet dreams, but they seem only to come when you get desperate for relief, which doesn’t leave you feeling comfortable most of the time.
You believe that God told you not to masturbate, but you also note that all the things you “hear” mentally are not always godly. To be able to receive a message directly from God is called prophecy. Prophecy doesn’t always have to be about the future. But Paul told us that prophecy ended. “Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away” (I Corinthians 13:8-10). Once the Bible, the perfect law of Liberty (James 1:25), was completed, the need for prophecy ended.
But let us assume that for some reason God gave you a message. Why would God give you a command that He did not give to the rest of mankind? You see God is impartial, just, and equitable (Romans 2:11; Psalms 9:8). Everyone is expected to live according to the same rules.
God also said He does not allow a person to be tempted by something that they can’t avoid (I Corinthians 10:13). As you noted all males have to ejaculate. If you can’t have a wet dream, then you are left with masturbating.
It sounds more likely that you were jealous of the girl’s attention to the boy and when the boy was able to face down an embarrassing question, you admired how he was undaunted. But there are some things here that are being overlooked. Assuming the boy was truthful about not masturbating, then he is able to have wet dreams and rarely masturbates — that is not your situation.
I am certain that the voice you heard was your own thought at that moment in time.
The second thing overlooked is that the girl is not a good girl. She was purposely using an embarrassing personal question to throw a guy off-balance. She wanted him to be confused and muddled in his thinking because he would be more susceptible to being manipulated. Thus, she claimed that his hands were soft because he frequently used lotion to masturbate. The very topic should not happen between a boy and a girl.
It is true that you should not do things that you are not certain is right (Romans 14:22-23), but that means you should spend time learning whether it is right or not. This passage was not given to be an excuse to remain in doubt.
But in regards to encouraging wet dreams, this doesn’t always work but has helped some guys who prefer to have wet dreams over masturbating. All a wet dream is is a form of sleepwalking where you masturbate in your sleep. Thus, when you realize you are needing to ejaculate, start sleeping in the nude. The different feeling of sheets on your penis and the easy access to your genitals will likely cause you to start masturbating when you have dreams. It is likely that at first, you’ll wake up while you are masturbating. If that happens, just go ahead and finish off. Over time you’ll start sleeping through the whole process. Once you have an ejaculation, to back to wearing what you normally wear to bed. You want the contrast, so that being naked encourages you to have a wet dream when you need to ejaculate.
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