Last updated on May 6, 2022
Question:
Hello,
I have a question: Is it wrong to have sexual fantasies about a future spouse? Like one created or imagined? I’m a single person and I don’t like or fantasize about a specific person, but I fantasize about a created or imagined spouse. There’s no specific person in mind. Is that sinful?
Answer:
Since what is being imagined is something approved by God (sex within marriage), there is nothing directly wrong. But even here there can be a danger. Reality is rarely as “perfect” as our imagination. Spend too much time imagining how things ought to be and you will be disappointed when you find out how things actually are.
There is an interesting point made several times in the Song of Solomon. Starting in Song of Solomon 2:4, the heroine and her fiance, Solomon, are at a formal banquet. The heroine realizes that Solomon is signaling with his behavior just how deeply in love he is with her and everyone in the room notices it. This triggers a daydream of the two of them lying together. “Let his left hand be under my head And his right hand embrace me” (Song of Solomon 2:6). But even though they are engaged, the thoughts are not appropriate. It is rushing things. Sexual fantasies happen, but the heroine turns to the audience and tells the women there, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the hinds of the field, that you do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases” (Song of Solomon 2:7).
The point is important. When we rush things, even in our thoughts, we tend to make mistakes. If we rush love, it will flee like a timid deer or gazelle. Love is something that needs to develop at its own pace. Thus, try not to get the cart before the horse.