Last updated on October 3, 2020
Question:
I am a boy but sometimes I act a little feminine. I don’t know why either. But lately, it’s been taking its toll. A girl I liked said that she thought I was homosexual and acted like a girl. I try to tell myself God made me the way I am, but I often wonder will I ever find a wife? Or why I am like this? Is there anything to help me? Or will I grow out of it?
Answer:
What type of actions are considered girlish? Sometimes you will run into people that have strong opinions that anything different from the way they behave is unacceptable. For example, I know some really manly guys (sports jocks) who enjoy doing things like crocheting or knitting. They like creating things with their hands and there is nothing wrong with that. Yet, because it isn’t popular among men it can be labeled as being girlish. Acting feminine has no fixed standard. It is based on people’s opinions. Thus, I become skeptical when an accusation is made.
It would be false to assume that homosexuals act like girls, though some do. Now, there are some homosexuals who purposely act girlish to announce to others their sexual preferences. Homosexuality doesn’t require girlish behavior and there are many homosexuals who don’t act in a girlish manner. But the situation does lead to a problem, you don’t want people assuming you want to have sex with other boys because of your behavior. Just as a boy is not to wear things pertaining to girls (Deuteronomy 22:5), you should not put on behaviors that pertain to the other gender either. So, if this was something you were purposely doing, then I would tell you to stop. However, my guess is that this is really a matter of taunting.
Teenagers are particularly sensitive about wanting to be accepted by others and to fit in with a group. At the same time many teenagers go out of their way to taunt others about being different; and if they can’t find something different, they will make something up. They do this because they know it will hurt the other person.
The truth is that you can’t let other people define who you are. You make your own decisions. If you live a life trying to please other people and meet their expectations, you’ll never be good enough because everyone has their own ideas. The only opinion that matters is God’s. “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).
Will you find a wife? Of course. Some girls are attracted to bad characters. Some girls want a muscular athlete. But some girls prefer a gentle companion who is trustworthy and good. There are all sorts of people in the world and in that variety, you will find someone who thinks you are the perfect man for her