Last updated on October 4, 2020
Question:
I am a born again Christian currently struggling with pornography and masturbation. It was never really a problem until I realized that in Scripture all of this had consequences and was wrong that I tried to stop. I’ve gone from doing it regularly to once in a while. But of recent I’ve found myself in a position where I’ve tried praying and the habit is getting harder to quit. I can go a whole week without watching pornography and the next thing I know the cycle resumes. I’d like to say that I hate it and it has made my life hard because it’s hard for me to sit with girls without my mind making up some sort of fantasy. When I go a week without any of that I have very graphical dreams of sexual immorality. This is the first time I’ve opened up about this whole issue and I guess it’s because I feel that I really need help.
Thank you and God bless.
Answer:
I can guess since you are on a roughly weekly cycle, that you only ejaculate in connection with pornography, which is a very common problem. Thus, in trying to quit pornography you are not ejaculating at the same time. This sets you up for failure because eventually, your seminal vesicles get full (in about a week for you) and your body demands relief, which you see in sexual dreams and fantasies. Since all you know is masturbating to pornography, eventually you give in. Instinct takes over while you bring up pornography and pull down your pants. Once you ejaculate, your reason returns, you berate yourself for your lack of self-control, and the cycle starts all over again.
In reality, pornography and masturbation are separate issues. One can watch pornography without masturbating, or one can masturbate without pornography. Therefore, each needs to be considered separately as to whether they are right or wrong.
Regarding pornography, see:
Regarding masturbation, see:
As I’ve told numerous young men, we get ourselves convinced that we’ve sinned every time that we ejaculate. But our bodies are designed such that you have to ejaculate periodically, just like you have to urinate regularly. It is when a guy tries holding off from ejaculating that he sets himself up for temptation. The longer you put it off, the strong the sexual urge becomes. Eventually, your body takes over because it needs to ejaculate semen and it pushes you to whatever habit you’ve developed to ejaculate. For many guys that involves pornography.
Rather than letting your body control you, you need to control your body. When you feel the urge rise, just go take a shower and while in there, masturbate. Don’t indulge in any particular thoughts, just treat it as what it really is — a bodily function that needs to be done every once in a while. Once you ejaculate, your thoughts will calm down and you’ll be able to maintain control. Doing it in the shower keeps you from looking at pornography since phones don’t work well in the shower and clean up is trivial.