Question:
Hello Mr. Jeffrey,
I have a quick question. There’s a young lady in my congregation, and we’re friends and talk on occasion. I am interested in her; she is a strong Christian with good character overall. The thing is, though, that I’m in my early 20s, and she is a few years older than me. Would it be appropriate to get the nerve up to tell her how I feel about her, even given the age gap?
That’s also something else: how to tell her. It’s hard to muster enough courage to talk to a girl, let alone tell her how I feel. Besides that, I believe I’m mature enough to date someone older than me, like her, even though we’re at somewhat different stages in life. I do not want it to be awkward either and ruin our friendship.
Sometimes I feel bad about having interests in single young ladies who are several years older than me. I think other people find it weird if a man dates a woman several years older than him (even if it’s only a few years). I know age shouldn’t matter as much as a person’s character, but if you could let me know what you think, I would greatly appreciate it.
Answer:
There is nothing unusual or wrong about a couple being several years different in age. See “Does the Bible say anything about age differences between a man and a woman in marriage?“
What does matter is whether the woman we are talking about would be willing to consider a younger man. The only solution to that is to ask, but I would suggest taking it in stages. Ask your friend if she would be willing to go out on a date with a younger man. If that goes well, you can ask if she would like to continue dating.
Please, understand that this is a decision between two people. She may decide that she isn’t interested in marrying you, and the reasons are likely not about you personally but about her preferences. If she declines, accept it gracefully; that will be best to keep your friendship intact. It will hurt your pride greatly, but push through it. If she accepts, then enjoy the experience.