Last updated on August 29, 2025
Question:
Hello,
I am writing with a question about my son, and I hope you can offer some suggestions. My son is 12 and is just now old enough to go to the local gym on his own with his friends. I have been encouraging this, and it has been great for his health and wellness. He and his buddies are very athletic, and they have been appreciating the freedom to go exercise on their own.
The other day, he came home with a wet towel in his gym bag but no swimsuit. He explained that he and his friends shower naked in the locker room and that it’s no big deal, since most people do it. He told me the showers are communal, but that he really doesn’t mind. I didn’t make a big deal of it in front of him. But I did call two of the other moms, and they assured me that this is no big deal and it’s part of the growing-up process. They have no problem with their sons showering naked after their workouts. I’m starting to come around to the idea that it’s not a big deal, and I’ve let him go the past few days, knowing he would do this.
Should I be at all concerned? Or is this just a normal boy thing that I should be OK with?
Thank you.
Answer:
I find the shifting standards of society interesting. There was a time when people typically bathed once a week — often in a tub in the kitchen because the hot water didn’t have to be carried so far. Fortunately, this gave way to private bathrooms in homes, but locker rooms in schools and gyms remained open because it was easier to ensure that no roughhousing took place.
The rise of society’s acceptance of homosexuality caused a change. Most schools stopped requiring students to shower after Physical Education classes, and the sports teams have shifted to using shower stalls out of privacy concerns. The main drive has been parents’ complaints and fears of lawsuits. The push for the acceptance of transgenderism has created a greater push for privacy. For the same reason, most private gyms have transitioned to shower stalls, although older facilities often still have open communal showers.
The general rule, since the fall of man, is that a person doesn’t expose his genitals to others. We make efforts to keep our sexual organs private. “And those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty, but our presentable parts have no need. But God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it” (I Corinthians 12:23-24). Of course, there will always be times when it can’t be avoided; yet, we should make efforts to minimize them. Being seen naked in front of others ought to trigger a sense of shame. “Your nakedness shall be uncovered, yes, your shame will be seen” (Isaiah 47:3).
An example is that of Ham (Genesis 9:20-27). Ham’s father, Noah, sinned by making wine and getting drunk. Ham accidentally walked in on Noah while he lay naked in his tent. Rather than be embarrassed by the situation, Ham went to his brothers. We aren’t told what he said, but he likely thought it was funny that their father was acting so poorly. I want you to take particular note of Japheth and Shem’s response. “But Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father’s nakedness” (Genesis 9:23). I’m sure that over the years, there were many occasions when they might have seen their father without clothes. They could have just walked in and covered him up, but they were making a strong point. Their father, because of his drunkenness, was in an embarrassing state, and they refused to see their father lowered in their eyes. Thus, they went out of their way to make sure they didn’t see Noah uncovered.
Every Christian ought to be conscientious of other people’s feelings. If someone else is naked, avert your eyes out of respect for them. Hopefully, others will do the same for you.
There is nothing sinful about what your son is doing, but I would remind him to be respectful of other people and not stare. Also mention that if he ever feels uncomfortable about the situation, he can bathe while wearing his bathing suit.
Response:
Jeffrey,
Thank you so much for the response. That really was thoughtful and gave me a lot to think about.
I spoke with him last night and asked if he was really comfortable with it or if he was just being pressured because the other boys do it. He told me he is actually comfortable with it and that it makes more sense just to pull off their sweaty clothes and get in the shower rather than changing into something else that will get wet.
We had a talk about staring and respect. I told him he could keep doing this with three conditions.
First, no pictures or videos. Boys his age don’t always think through their decisions, so I wanted to make it clear that this is still a private moment for him and others and must be treated as such.
Second, he should always have a buddy. I don’t want him showering naked in the locker room without one or more of his friends. If his friends don’t show up one day, he needs to wear a swimsuit.
Third, for him to be aware of his surroundings. This is a public gym, so it’s not just he and his buddies. There are other kids, teens, and men who go to the gym and use the showers. He needs to be aware of anyone staring at him. I told him that if he’s showering and feels like someone is staring at him, to turn and face away from that person and finish up as quickly as possible, then get out, dry off, and put his clothes on quickly.
He was in 100% agreement with these guidelines. He said there are almost always older teens and men in the showers, and that they obviously see him and his friends, but he has never felt like any of them are staring.
I feel like I now have the guardrails in place to be comfortable with this situation.
Thank you!