Last updated on August 29, 2020
Question:
I was just wondering, I kissed my best friend on the cheek and he kissed me too, but for us, that was just like a brotherly kiss. Is it something sinful? We also did take a bath together, we both grew erect for some time, but we didn’t really feel ashamed because we are really super close. I read in some of the articles that it is bad, but is our case exempted or not?
Answer
I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to turn your questions around a bit. It has been a while since I was in the Philippines, but I want you to tell me some things honestly:
I know that it is considered normal for girls to kiss in greeting, but I don’t recall ever seeing “brotherly” kissing between boys. So, first, if you saw two older men kissing, what would you assume about their relationship? Second, what was the purpose of your exchange of kisses with your friend?
I must assume that you feel there is something wrong with what you did because, otherwise, you would not have brought up the question. So, what is it that bothers you about what you did?
I don’t know your social position. I know that among the poor that bathing isn’t easily a private activity. But what I recall seeing mostly was that bathing was typically an individual activity. So, my question is why were you bathing with a friend when you don’t normally do so?
That you had erections while bathing would be normal, especially since you are young men who frequently experience erections.
Finally, why would you consider your case to be an exception?
Again, my apologies for all the questions, but I want to understand first what you are thinking before I address what is proper.
Question:
Actually nothing really bothers me but the fact that I read in one article that bathing together is a sin because of being seen naked and not being ashamed of it is a sin. Me and my friends usually bathe together at times when we have a sleepover and tend to be late for school, during camp outs where we are only given 5 minutes to bathe and have only 2 or 3 cubicles for about 60 males.
About the kissing, again nothing bothers me also, but I was just being curious whether it is considered gay. I don’t care if it really is a gay act, but it is just our way sometimes.
I’m not sure if our “taking a bath together” is an exemption as a sin since I don’t really think that it’s bad to bathe together.
And one last thing, we are not the poor kind of people, so I think it is not normal to take a bathe together, but I’m not sure. I’m not really ashamed to say that I took a bath with my friends because there is no malice and nothing bad happens during that time like anal sex or other stuff like that.
Thanks for the answers. I really appreciate it so much.
Answer:
I think you must be referring to “Is it okay for boys and girls to swim together?” The point is that it is wrong for boys and girls to bathe together. Such would create lustful thoughts and temptations to do sexual things. That is usually not the case with groups of the same sex, though, with the rise of homosexuality, the potential for danger is there. And as you mentioned, that is not happening in your case. Sharing the same area with people of the same sex while bathing is not unusual and by itself is not wrong.
Being ashamed or having your conscience bother you is not an accurate guide to moral decisions. If an act made you ashamed, then that would be a warning signal that it might be wrong. Such should be avoided until you are certain of its moral correctness. “Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin” (Romans 14:22-23). But a lack of shame gives you no guidance by itself.
There are countries were men greet with a kiss. That is why I ask you what society in your area concludes about such action between two males. In the United States, a man kissing an unrelated man would be considered a possible act of sexual affection, but I don’t know how it is viewed in your country. Even in biblical times, we read, “Greet one another with a holy kiss” (Romans 16:16). A kiss was a form of greeting, thus it was important that such are holy (no sexual motives).