Last updated on September 29, 2020
Question:
As a Christian male I feel horny and stuff 100% of the time. I can pray and distract myself, sure, but eventually, my body will feel spiked with hormones (I’m 18) and I have to masturbate. I feel like if I don’t masturbate, then I’ll sleep with a prostitute, or if I don’t do that and I had a girlfriend, I’d have sex with her. Only God knows how long until I find a wife. What do I do with all these sexual feelings? It’s too hard to stay pure. We see sexual images and stuff every day, and women dress in ways that make my mind lust, plus I can’t talk to girls because of social anxiety. The last time I even hugged a girl was four years ago. I’ve never even been within face distance, close up with another girl, so my sexual frustration is very much high. In the Bible, it says to get married if those passions burn but back then they’d get married at like 17 or 18. I can’t financially or socially (communication-wise) do that. Plus back then they didn’t have all these images in their face all the time. Plus I won’t get married if I can ever get a wife until I’m like 30. What do I do with all this restrained sexual passion without sinning?
Answer:
It is easy to think that today has to be rougher than the past. But that is because we live today and not in the past. All you have to do is find a history book on Greek art to realize that nudity was common and you didn’t have to go to a museum to see them. They were found on the streets, on buildings, and walls in buildings. What we have is just a fraction of what once existed. It was this lack of restraint that caused one of the clashes between the Gentiles and the Jews.
Against this backdrop is Paul’s command: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). It is why women were told, “In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works” (I Timothy 2:9-10). “Propriety” is translating a word which means having the ability to blush, to have a sense of shame. Such was lacking in the Gentile societies of that day.
Temptation is ever-present. But it doesn’t mean that it is unmanageable. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (I Corinthians 10:13). Notice the first promise: Every temptation you face is one that is common among mankind. There is no unique temptation that only one person ever faced (though it might seem that way). The second promise from God is that every temptation you face can be overcome by you (even if it doesn’t feel that way to you at the moment). The third promise is that there is always a way out of the temptation that does not involve sin (even when you don’t see it at the time).
Where you have to start is that sin isn’t on the table as an option. “And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him” (I John 3:3-6). Sin remains an ever-present danger, but it isn’t something a Christian considers as a possibility when making choices. See: What Keeps a Man Sexually Pure?
Ejaculation is a requirement of being a male because our seminal vesicles produce semen that needs to be emptied once in a while. But for a Christian neither pornography nor fornication are acceptable options for accomplishing that needed task. The Bible mentions wet dreams and implies the existence of masturbation. Neither were called sinful. See: Is masturbation sinful or not? Masturbation can be used sinfully, but the act itself is not a sin. So allowing yourself to ejaculate, either through wet dreams or masturbation that is not done while imagining yourself having sex with women you are not married to is a way to relieve your sexual desire and keep yourself under control.
“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Corinthians 7:8-9). So far you have been demonstrating self-control because you have not given into lewd behavior or fornication. But since the desire for sex is strong in you, then considering marriage as a way to stay out of sin is perfectly acceptable. However, if you are going to go that route, you need to do a better job of learning to talk with people, especially girls. A wife isn’t just going to drop into your lap. Like most things in this world, you have to work for what you desire.
The typical age for a man to marry during the time of the Roman Empire was in his twenties. Women tended to marry while in their later teens. [Weddings, Marriages, and Divorces]. This is not much different than in the 1800’s. Most men married around 21, after they had settled into a steady job. Most women married a few years younger (18 to 20). Once again, you imagine the past was different. It is true that the typical marriage age has been rising to 27 to 28 around the world, but that seems to be due to people accepting fornication as an alternative to marriage.
While you haven’t spent much time with girls, I’m positive girls are around. It might be extra difficult for you, but this is something you can learn to overcome. You can learn to socialize and to talk with women. The best time to start learning is now.