Was it wrong for me to have masturbated with my brothers?

Last updated on October 6, 2023


Hello Minister,

I am very new to this site and just so happened to stumble across it while searching for a Tanner stage quiz. First, I want to thank you for making this safe space for adolescent boys like myself but I digress.

So about a year ago my little brother (16) and I (17) were kind of horny so we thought it was a great idea to help masturbate each other. I know masturbation itself is not a sin as much as the thought behind it is and I want to make clear that for me at least I wasn’t thinking of anything sexual during that incident. In fact, the only thing I was thinking about was bonding closer with my younger brother (we normally don’t get along).

This honestly wasn’t the first time this has happened to me. Back when I was around 12 and my older brother was 14, we both were pretty new to masturbation and we’d masturbate together but we stopped after a while. The difference between the two incidents is that I grew closer to my older brother after masturbating together with him while I grew further away from my younger brother. It has gotten so bad that even a year later we can’t stay in the same room together without feeling the pressure of awkwardness. We both act like it never happened — not even mentioning it. I want to ask if what we did was wrong, sinful, shameful, or disgusting. 

I’m sorry for this long rant. Thank you for reading, and I hope we can solve this soon


Generally, when people talk about masturbation, it refers to an act that you do by yourself in private. In such situations, there is nothing particularly wrong with masturbating. It is covered in passages, such as Leviticus 15:16-17. Under the Old Law, releasing semen made you and anything the semen contacted unclean for a day. However, being unclean wasn’t a sin. There was a set of rules that you had to follow and then you became clean again at the start of the next day. But as soon as you add lust (such as pornography) or another person to masturbating, it becomes sinful.

When you add lust, you are now longing to do something that is sinful. Longing to commit a sin is wrong. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). This is why Jesus said, “but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

When you add another person, it falls into the category of lewdness (acting without restraint like an animal) if you do it in each other’s presence. When you sexually touch another person, then it becomes an act of sex, and since this was done with someone of the same gender, it is an act of homosexuality. “In the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error” (Romans 1:29).

While your brother may not be able to categorize the sin properly, he knows within himself that he sinned and that you encouraged it. He is embarrassed by the sin, and he is probably angry at you for leading him into this sin.

The solution is that you first have to realize that what you did was wrong both with your older brother and with your younger brother. You need to seek God’s forgiveness. If you haven’t become a Christian, it is time to change. See How to Become a Christian. If you are a Christian, you need to ask God for forgiveness (I John 1:5-2:1). You also need to apologize to your younger brother for leading him into sin. Your older brother holds responsibility for leading you into sin, so you need to talk to him about why it was wrong so that he too can change and seek God’s forgiveness.


Thank you, Minister.

I’ll have a talk with both of my brothers. It never crossed my mind that the act could be considered homosexual. I now totally understand how my younger brother feels. I guess I’ve been too curious about sex and I crossed the line.

Thank you again.