Last updated on June 23, 2021
I do not know what to do. My girlfriend kissed another guy and told me about it a few days later. I forgave her but she still wants to be friends with him because they are in the same circle of friends. What should I do?
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (I Corinthians 13:4-8).
One aspect of real love is that there is trust between the people who are in love. Right now, you don’t trust your girlfriend’s loyalty to you. What she did makes you jealous of the other boy. You are uncertain if this will happen again.
You should consider that she didn’t have to tell you that she kissed the other boy. That tells me that she most likely feels guilty about it.
You are treating your relationship as if it is permanent and exclusive, but dating someone doesn’t come with those guarantees. Dating says you are interested in someone and are thinking about one day making a more serious commitment. This is the time for both of you to decide whether you want to marry the other person or not. Thus, you need to see how she handles this situation because it will tell you a lot about her character.
But if you try to control her and force her to behave as you think she ought to behave, then you’ll never develop a trust in her because you can never truly control another person and you aren’t there all the time. You’ll also end up putting so much pressure on her that she will start thinking that another guy would be an easier person to get along with. In other words, you’ll end up pushing her into doing the very thing you are afraid she will do.
Thank you, Jeffrey.
I’ve been really manipulated by jealousy and anger. I really want to be with her. We have been talking about our future and marriage and all that. That’s why I just felt intimidated by this guy who is probably more good-looking than me and more fit than I am. Lately, I’ve been annoying her by trying to, basically like you said, force her not to talk to him. We have been together for years. I don’t want to mess it up because I was jealous and angry.