Last updated on September 21, 2020
Question:
I had this new idea and I was wondering what you thought about it. I usually masturbate, but recently I had this idea that I did not want anyone except my future wife or God to cause me to ejaculate. I feel like I might be saying to my wife that I don’t need her to satisfy myself sexually. I want to make my sexual climax a thing just between me and her (and God I guess when the wet dreams kick in). I do not necessarily think that masturbation is a sin, but I just feel like I want to save more of myself for my wife.
I was just wondering if you had any thoughts on this, and I have a couple of questions to go along with that. If I don’t get wet dreams after a while, when would I be at risk for spontaneous ejaculation? I would hate to have that happen to me. Also being a teen at the age of 17, will I be likely to have a wet dream in less than a month? What else might I expect from stopping masturbation (my usual frequency was about once every other day)? Finally, when can I expect my intense desire I have now (Day 5) to cool off, and my body to adjust to being less sexually active?
Thank you.
Answer:
The fact that God made the male body with the need periodically ejaculate has nothing to do with your relationship with your future wife, other than it being a strong incentive to go and get married. Besides sex and masturbating are quite a bit different in both action and feelings, though both end up with you ejaculating.
There is nothing wrong with choosing not to masturbate. There is something very wrong with trying not to ejaculate. Your body requires ejaculations.
Not everyone is able to have wet dreams where they sleep through the whole thing and only wake up to the after-effects. Many guys end up waking up or semi-waking while in the process of masturbating in their sleep or they find themselves doing it as they are about to fall asleep in that semi-conscious state. However, there are guys for whom it just doesn’t happen at all, but the need to ejaculate still remains.
I’ve talked to guys who are so convinced that masturbating is wrong that they stop themselves whenever they notice it happening, even when they are semi-conscience during a wet dream. These guys find themselves thinking crazy thoughts about sexual things at all hours of the day. They catch themselves doing crazy things that they normally never do, such as stripping down outside where others might see them or putting their hands down their pants when distracted and thinking about other things. Of course, such behavior isn’t proper, but the problem is that when a person doesn’t give his body’s desires an acceptable outlet instinct takes over and they lose self-control.
That is my chief concern. A guy who is struggling with self-control is going to be vulnerable to temptation. You won’t find your desire for sex decreasing. The opposite will happen instead. As the seminal vesicle fill, your desire for sex increases. It is the sexual desire that is telling you that you need an ejaculation.
What can you expect?
- Your desire for sex will rise to the point that it will constantly interfere with your thoughts. You’ll find at times that it is hard to focus on tasks at hand.
- Erections will come more frequently
- You’ll find yourself acting oddly, doing sexual things without thinking.
- If you are able to have a wet dream, it may take a month before they start happening. The reason is that the body as to learn (or re-learn) how to trigger ejaculation in your sleep.
- Spontaneous ejaculations, if they happen, will come when the seminal vesicles that produce your semen get too full to hold any more. Few guys are able to last that long.