Last updated on September 28, 2020
Question:
I’m 13 years old, and I have a problem with masturbation.
First off I want to say that it’s great what you’re doing. I’m so glad I can go to this instead of going to my parents because they probably wouldn’t handle it well.
Anyways, I’ve been masturbating for about two years now, and I just recently found out what I was doing was sinful. I don’t masturbate to porn because I think it’s nasty, but I do masturbate to people (usually lesbians) kissing. Which is pretty much considered porn anyway right? But that’s usually when I’m home alone. When my family is in the house, I just masturbate to my thoughts in the shower — yes, lustful thoughts.
I did try to stop completely, but it got harder for me, so I tried to do what you said in the other questions and get I’m the shower and try to masturbate without thoughts, but I just couldn’t ejaculate and after about 40 minutes my penis got soft. I gave up and used the thoughts which only took me about a minute to ejaculate.
I feel guilty and I always try to stop. I pray about it a lot too. I don’t want it to become so normal for me that my prayers for forgiveness aren’t sincere. My mom tells me that I’m a prophet and that I’m going to pastor our church when I grow up, which makes me feel even more guilty. I want to believe that, but I don’t see happening because of this. I don’t want to miss God’s calling for me! And, no, I won’t tell her or my dad because they think that I’m a little angel.
This is pretty much the only sin that I can’t stop. I don’t cuss, lie, smoke, do none of that but when it comes to girls, I’m weak. What do I do to get rid of these lustful thoughts? How can I deal with the urge of sex without sinning? I just wish I was older, so I could just get married and wouldn’t have to get worried about lusting after women. I could just think of whoever my wife is. I just don’t know what to do.
Answer:
The problem of lust is that it breaks down the barriers we have against sin. Lust is when you desire something so badly that you are willing to sin, at least in your mind. You find ways to justify sinning, thinking it would be all right in some circumstances. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man” (Mark 7:21-23). Later, when occasions actually arise to sin, it is harder to resist because we’ve been toying with the ideas for so long in our minds.
A part of pornography’s effect on people comes from its ability to shock a person. Depiction of things we know that are taboo, such as homosexuals involved in passionate kissing (Romans 1:26-27), gets a person’s heart racing. It raises the blood pressure, and, thus, makes it easier for a guy to have an erection. The problem is that the body quickly latches on to things it associates with sex. It takes a great deal of effort to switch directions.
The first step is to stop feeding yourself the garbage. You have to give up the soft porn. Trying to stop while continuing to pour in new images of sinful behavior won’t work. What I generally recommend is that an Internet filter be installed either on every device you use or on your router. You can tell your parents that you are getting older and you are concerned about temptation.
Next, you need to train yourself to take care of your needs without resorting to lust. However long you typically go between masturbating, wait an extra day. It will make you feel antsy, but that’s OK for now. Then try masturbating focusing on the sensations, but no particular thoughts. If this is too difficult to do at first, think about how great sex will be with your future wife — in other words, focus on desiring something that is righteous and not evil.
If it doesn’t work, it isn’t a big deal. When guys get involved in porn, they end up masturbating more often than their body really needs. The porn, or lustful thoughts, become a kick starter. When you remove the porn, you will find you won’t need to ejaculate as often, but when you do it will be stronger. So if it doesn’t work, just plan on trying again the next day. In a day or two, it will be very easy to reach ejaculation without any particular thoughts.