Last updated on November 21, 2025
Question:
I wanted to tell you that I’m making progress with masturbation. It’s been a little difficult since the last time I wrote to you, but I’m sure I’m on the right track, and I trust in God to guide me to full maturity.
I’ve masturbated fairly often, and it worried me at the time. About three times a week, every three days or every week, I’ve noticed that when I ejaculate, I feel like I have to do it again, and then I feel more physically balanced. In other words, I have a lot of semen accumulated.
But actually, I haven’t been masturbating so much to relieve physical tension, but rather to reconnect with myself, that is, to accept my body, to reconcile with my sexuality, and to get to know my body, more as a contemplative exercise, more philosophical than physiological.
I still struggle with it, and many of the things that were said to me (which I’ve already expressed in other messages) still hurt, and I’m battling all of that.
Anyway, thank you for reading and responding to my message. I know I get very busy, and yet you read this message from someone in another country.
Thank you very much.
I would also like to ask if lust is the same as sexual fantasies. I’ve read that sexual fantasies, that is, the mental aspect, are part of human sexuality, and I was wondering if that’s true. Is there a way to integrate them without sin, or how should sexual fantasies be expressed correctly, or when are they appropriate?
Thank you again. God bless you.
Answer:
Lust is wanting something so strongly that you are willing to contemplate sinning to get it. Dreaming about being married and enjoying sex with your future wife is not necessarily wrong, but wanting sex so badly that you are dreaming of having sex without bothering with marriage is wrong. Take a look at “Are sexual fantasies of a future wife wrong?” There is always a possibility that fantasies will turn into lust, so you must always be on guard.
As boring as it might seem, I would suggest only using masturbation as a method to relieve your sexual tension. Those times will come often enough, and you can “reconnect” during those times. Having a distinct purpose helps you from drifting into masturbating for the pleasure of it and then attempting to “force” that pleasure by pursuing lust.
If you would like to talk about what you are struggling with, I’m willing to listen.
Question:
Good evening,
I’ve read what you sent me and I understand what you’re saying. Thank you 😊.
I want to clarify that I’m not worried about anything specific, but rather that I was concerned at the time about how often I masturbated. It’s not that there’s anything that worries me now.
I later said that I masturbated to “reconnect” with my body, but I said that in the context of growing up seeing my body and sexuality as sinful, and accepting masturbation as something neutral/good if done without lust. Thanks to your website, I’ve been able to break down those ideas, but I’m not worried about anything now, although I appreciate your interest.
I understand your recommendation that I don’t masturbate for now; I had already considered that, and you’ve confirmed it. In that case, could I ask you what I should do about my sexuality now? In other words, I’m now understanding that sexuality is good, that masturbation is neutral depending on the context, that lust is a sin, and that it’s best not to rush things, and that this is the danger of fantasizing about a wife, and that it’s good to remain pure. Given this, what should I do with my sexuality and my sex drive now? Generally speaking, what practical advice would you give me, especially since you recommended against masturbating?
Thank you.
Answer:
Your reply made me realize that I didn’t word my last answer clearly enough. It was not my intention to say that you should stop masturbating. I am recommending that you limit your masturbation to only times when your body is telling you that you need relief from the sexual tension that builds up as your seminal vesicles get full. If nocturnal emissions provide the relief, then that is fine. If you don’t have nocturnal emissions or you don’t have them often enough to keep your sex drive at a reasonable level, then use masturbation as necessary.
On average, a young male ejaculates about twice a week. However, everyone is different. The need could be as great as once a week or as infrequent as once a month. Also, since your testosterone levels vary when you are young, there are going to be periods when you need to ejaculate frequently and other periods when you might go weeks without needing to ejaculate.
The main point is that you should be treating ejaculation as a bodily function that needs to be dealt with as the need arises, and not pursuing it just because it feels good. Of course, you’ll enjoy it when you do need to ejaculate, but that should not be the reason for masturbating.
Response:
I now understand better what you meant. Thank you.