Last updated on July 16, 2025
Question:
I was busy the other day, and I came across this girl who was interested in me. She caught me off guard because she started blushing at me, and I did the same thing. She waved at me, and I waved back. She started to lock eyes with me for a while as if she was very attracted to me. I wanted to run to her, but she was in a car in moving traffic. What hit the hardest was that the traffic slowed down, and my first instinct was to run to the car and talk to her, but I just thought it wasn’t safe to do that. Life might have been giving me a chance to go for it. But it didn’t matter to her because the eye contact remained, and as the traffic started to pick up, she started to peek at my face one more time with one eye, and then she looked away.
Now, as a boy, my first response was to throw it off, so I forgot about it when I came home. But it hit me the next day because I didn’t know her name, her socials, etc., and I started to get emotional because I probably may never see her again, and it seems like my heart won’t let go because it happened a few weeks ago, but it still seems like yesterday. Every day, I wake up and think about her deeply, which bothers me a lot because it sometimes makes me break down. I am asking people who know her from her description, but no one seems to know her. So my questions are:
- Why did this happen in the first place if I can’t find her? Is life telling me that we weren’t meant to be?
- Is it possible that I will see her again?
- Why is my heart so attached to this?
My mind keeps replaying this moment, and it seems like we were meant to be, because I think she feels the same way. I am trying to find her so that my heart will feel at ease, rather than replaying it and feeling incomplete. Everyone is telling me that it’s going to be hard, but I believe I will see her again.
It’s hard for me to speak to girls, so I can’t possibly ignore this because other girls have turned me down or didn’t want to have a conversation with me.
I believe that if I had taken her number, she would have fallen into a relationship with me that would have been short-lived because we didn’t know each other. It would seem lustful or infatuation. This has happened to me already, and to be honest, I’m not looking for another relationship at this time. I want to focus on myself, and I do enjoy having time to myself sometimes. I am a teen. So, I do understand why I didn’t ask for her number. But the fact is that no matter how much I ask people, they still don’t know her, and my heart feels incomplete because the connection was so real. I know what infatuation feels like and what lust feels like (it’s like you’re planning before time or imagining things that weren’t planned), but that doesn’t matter to me; what matters is the present. I have spoken to other girls who were attracted to me, but we didn’t last, and I have seen more attractive girls than this girl. But what mattered was the connection. And that’s why it feels so unfinished.
I know your first response to this may be that it’s just a crush or a little lover girl, and yes, you have the right to say so. But I know how crushes feel, and I know how they make a teenager feel; trust me, I’ve seen it and been there before. But this doesn’t feel like a crush to me, it just feels like a connected soul who was found but lost its way.
Answer:
You mentioned some points in your note that I would like to emphasize.
What interests you about this girl is that she appeared to be interested in you. That is a common reaction among guys, especially during the teenage years, because many of us struggle to express ourselves to girls. Finding a girl who already has an interest in you without effort is a thrill. It is a boast to your ego — someone thinks I’m handsome!
You are correct that you are experiencing infatuation. It is just that the feeling is stronger this time. You know nothing about this girl. Still, you have built a fantasy about her in your head. For all that we know, she might have been looking at you because you reminded her of someone she knew. She continued to look because you obviously were struck by her, and that flattered her. You don’t know if she has a boyfriend. You don’t know if she is morally good, intelligent, or struggling with depression. It is those holes in your knowledge of her that are holding your interest.
What is keeping the feelings strong is that you aren’t able to finish. You would be calmer if you had met and known it wouldn’t work (like the other girls), or that there was actually a possibility. It is the open-ended aspect of this story that annoys you.
Infatuation isn’t bad. It is what pokes a guy to gain the courage to meet a girl. However, it is not until you actually meet the girl that you can start deciding whether she is the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You want that to happen, but you have no idea if it will.
There are things in our lives that happen because God arranges for us to experience them. However, other things happen merely by chance (Ecclesiastes 9:11). We can’t know the difference until we look back and realize that there were too many “chance events” that happened to be truly random.
Whether you’ll meet her again is something you and I can’t predict. Humans don’t have access to the mind of God. We don’t know the future. For now, consider this an opportunity to develop patience and to recognize that we won’t have all the answers to all our life’s questions. “And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:4).
Question:
I won’t say that I reminded her of someone because I walked past her earlier, and she saw my face carefully. I think it’s just mutual attraction, and to be honest, I don’t care if she has a boyfriend. She made me feel a way that no girl has ever made me feel, and that’s why I feel this way. Even if we resort to friends, I won’t mind.
I even get thoughts about her with someone else, and it bothers me. I just want help sorting this out.
I understand that I look attractive, but I only feel open to her, and I’ve had a chance to get to know her. I was just a coward to go.
Answer:
You’re letting your feelings run away with you, and that’s not good for you. You saw her in a moving car. It would not have been wise or proper to stop traffic to talk with a girl. Your interest in her developed over several days. You can’t fault yourself for not making choices before you had your mind settled. Then, there remains the fact that you are assuming something would work out between the two of you. You’ve decided what the future would have been if you made a different choice, and that isn’t something people can accurately do.
Should you keep an eye out for her? Certainly. However, letting your emotions control your life in the meantime is not reasonable or practical. Your feelings are based on a brief interaction. The chances are high that they are not accurate. I know I’m sounding like a wet blanket trying to dampen the fire of your feelings, but you have to put reason before feelings.
Response:
OK. Thanks.